Dear Amy: I have been best friends with “Beth” for more than 25 years (since we were 4).
I am planning a destination wedding, and she is to be my maid of honor, but we have a problem. Beth has been dating a terrible person on and off the past three years. He physically and emotionally abuses her. She catches him cheating and lying all the time. Beth will break up with him for a while and find a great guy, then dump the great guy for this loser. She is completely brainwashed.
I told her from the beginning that I did not want him at my wedding and that I was not going to pay for his trip (as I am offering to pay for her and a guest).
She is now telling me (four months before the wedding) that if he cannot come, then she will not come.
I do not want to look at him or pay for him on my special day. Should I have to ruin my day so he can come to the wedding? — Wedding Worried
Dear Worried: You are not obliged to include an abusive on-again/off again boyfriend in your wedding plans.
Beth has told you that she won’t attend your wedding without Mr. Wonderful by her side. You can’t bear the thought of him being there.
You have enough time to shift around your bridesmaids, so you had better do it.
Dear Amy: My son and daughter-in-law have been happily married for 37 years. Her mother lives with them.
Once a year we get a dinner invitation to join them for Thanksgiving.
For the last eight years, since her mother moved in, we have been seated in the dining room and my daughter-in-law and our son eat with her mother in the family room. This is two rooms away!
The year before last, I told him I was not coming if he did not eat at the table with us, and he did. She ate with her mother in the other room.
This past year, when we got there the table was set for five and the family room table for three. My son and daughter- in-law ate with her mother, and we ate with one grandson and two people we do not know very well.
I think it is a matter of control and not space. Should I say no thanks next year? — Not So Thankful
Dear Not: Perhaps you need to find a new venue for Thanksgiving next year — or you could offer to somehow push those tables together.
Send questions to askamy@ or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
