Dear Amy: My wife, “Anne,” and I got married two years ago and moved into an apartment three months ago.
We both signed a contract not to have any pets, and yet she keeps smuggling in pets behind the landlord’s back. She never lets me put my foot down. I’m worried that if we get caught, we’re going to be evicted. I have said repeatedly not to have these animals running around because the neighbors will hear and find out.
I want to say to her, “Either they go or I go!” — Jerome in Jersey
Dear Jerome: Let me take you to marriage boot camp. Your wife will never give you permission to put your foot down. Putting your foot down is something you do without her permission. I suggest you do it.
Some people have a psychological disorder that compels them to collect or hoard animals. This is rare but potentially serious.
Obviously it presents a health and safety hazard for you, your neighbors and the animals themselves. She may need psychological treatment to cope with this. Otherwise, your wife simply doesn’t respect you, your neighbors or the legal contract you both signed.
Either scenario doesn’t bode well for you.
This situation will never change until you take the steps necessary to change it.
Dear Amy: My husband and I are expecting our second baby. We would like to send out announcements to celebrate his arrival but would really prefer not to receive gifts.
We have everything we could possibly need, because our first son is just a year old and the clothes and gear we had from his infancy can be reused.
We were thinking of adding a brief note on the back of the announcements saying, “In lieu of gifts — we’ve got too much stuff as it is! — please consider making a donation to a favorite charity.” My mom, an etiquette fanatic, says that any mention of gifts is considered presumptuous and that we should simply send the announcements and let people use their own judgment. — Expectant and Overcrowded
Dear Expectant: Your mother is right. Moms always are. However, I think that in this day and age, when people err too often on the gift-grubbing side, such a notice (written on a separate card) would be welcome.
Dear Amy: You ran a letter from a college student majoring in psychology who was overwhelmed by friends constantly asking for advice. Medical students often become frustrated by a constant barrage of medical questions from family and friends, but one of my friends found a clever way to deflect unwanted medical questions. He would always answer people’s questions by saying, “Take two aspirin and call me in four years.” It was a humorous and non-confrontational way to let people know that he was not in the business of giving out unqualified medical advice. — Jim
Dear Jim: I may adapt your excellent suggestion for my own purposes. Thank you!
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