Dear Amy: I grew up with many aunts and uncles and had wonderful relationships with all of them.
I would love to have the same with my only niece, age 29, and my only nephew, 40.
We live in different states, but I saw a lot of them when they were growing up.
For all of their adult years I have sent birthday cards and Christmas gifts but have never received a single acknowledgment from either of them, though I did get a nice thank-you note from my nephew’s bride when I sent a wedding gift. If I e-mail my niece and nephew just to say hello, I get no response.
Their mother, my only sister, has a nice long-distance relationship with my children and grandchildren, who appreciate having her as their only aunt.
I am starting to struggle with the thought of not sending cards and gifts any longer. Part of me wants to protect myself from disappointment, and part of me wants to be mature and do what a kind aunt would do, no matter the response. I am interested in your thoughts. — Auntie in Anchorage
Dear Auntie: The aunt/uncle relationship is a very important one in any family. I think this bond is often underappreciated.
Among other issues, your niece and nephew are missing a great opportunity to know their mother better. After all, you witnessed her childhood firsthand. It’s very much their loss that they don’t participate in this relationship.
A mature and kind aunt does exactly what you’ve been doing, but now your focus should change. At 29 and 40, your niece and nephew are adults who should notice consequences.
Step down your contact to cards. Every time you send a gift, your generosity highlights how ungrateful and dysfunctional your niece and nephew are. Once your behavior changes, they may choose to contact you. Then it will be up to you to decide what to do next.
Dear Amy: I work retail, and every day I must try to relay information to people while they carry on conversations on their cellphones.
If I try to step away to afford them a little privacy, many people become angry and say I don’t want to help them. Oftentimes they are speaking on the phone, and I think they are speaking to me, and then they’re either annoyed because I’ve interrupted their phone conversation or simply bellow out a hostile “What!?” At the register, the problems are compounded when I try to count back their change or ask them to sign for their purchases.
My customers took time to drive to my store, find parking and come in, and yet they cannot interrupt a cellphone conversation long enough to allow me to get what they came to purchase.
Please excuse yourself long enough from the person on the other end of the call to be at least civil to those who have been waiting to serve you. — Mark From Fresno
Dear Mark: I agree with you that cellphone use by customers is the current scourge of retail. This behavior affects other customers too, of course. It’s no fun to stand behind one of these Bozos while she distractedly yammers on about her foot fungus, as one store patron memorably did in my earshot.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
