Dear Margo: I have a 10-year-old stepson, and in a recent conversation with my mother about a birthday card for him, she got extremely angry with me and yelled, “Why should I send him a card? He is nothing to me. He is not my family and he is not my blood.” Well, this didn’t sit very well with me at all, and that started an argument over my brother’s stepdaughter, as well. It seems that, even though my brother has raised this child since she was 3 (she’s now 7), my mother doesn’t consider her family, either. She is “just my son’s wife’s kid with another man.”
I find my mother completely wrong and told her so. She replied that I was being an idiot and said she would continue to send cards or gifts … but she was doing it for me, not because she cared about them. I told her not to bother. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We have not spoken since this. What do you think? — Broom Rider
Dear Broom: I think your mother is a woman who cannot see the big picture and has a heart the size of a navy bean. It is too bad for her, the children and your relationship that she has taken this attitude. These people who feel that blood is the key to everything are, by my lights, way off base and missing an emotional chromosome. I doubt you can change her mind, so try to leave her out of the loop on anything that has to do with your stepson. You might pass this on to your brother, as well. She is the loser. If the kids wonder why grandma is cold (or never around), tell them she is an unhappy woman who is rather self-involved. — Margo, responsively
Computer Nerds Are People, Too!
Dear Margo: I know plenty of men who are great guys with excellent jobs, who nonetheless have a hard time meeting women. Why? Most women pass by us computer nerds not realizing: We are educated; we have money; we are attentive and fun.
I have a friend, “Dave,” who yearns for a girlfriend but cannot get a date to save his life. Dave’s biggest complaint is that once women find out what he does, they tend to lose interest (Dave works tech support). And there are others I know in the same boat. Now, these guys are not Brad Pitts, but they are pretty average in my eyes. I am married — but my wife is also in IT. I think women who want to find a great guy need to overlook some geekiness and see us techies for who we are. Yes, we enjoy “Star Trek” and watch anime, but we also enjoy stimulating conversation and appreciate smart, fun women.
Women looking for good guys need to go to a “Star Trek” or comic convention because there are plenty of single men with great jobs who are just aching to meet a nice woman.
Just my two cents’ worth. — Lucky Geek
Dear Luck: I’m running your letter as a public service for women who are looking. I am not sure, however, that I buy your argument that a man’s profession can put the kibosh on his romantic chances. Funeral directors, for example, don’t seem to have trouble getting women to say yes. (Don’t ask me how I know this.) My instinct is that it’s the guy, not the job. But tell Dave I’m rooting for him and hoping the geek shall inherit the earth. — Margo, electronically
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
