GLENDALE, ARIZ. – “Media Day” — it should be a national holiday.
No school. Banks close. Government workers get the day off.
There are days in honor of mothers, fathers, lovers (Valentine’s), labor (and media certainly aren’t in that category), military, independence, presidents and the discoverer (unintentionally) of the Bahamas.
On “Media Day,” to celebrate the American press, everybody would get a long bus ride, buffets ad nauseam (and nauseous), identification badges (BADGES!) and the mind-boggling opportunity to mingle in a stadium with thousands of others of hoi polloi and talk to professional football players.
All for free.
Take it from a crusty veteran of Super Bowl “Media Day.” You’ll hear stuff like this:
Giants quarterback Eli Manning, on wide receiver Plaxico Burress: “He has great penmanship. I’ve looked at the notes he takes. Penmanship shows a lot about a person. He has better penmanship than I do.” I’ve heard references to wide receivers having great hands, but great penmanship? Shouldn’t Plaxico be a calligrapher or in the glass industry?
Patriots fullback Heath Evans, on buying a Dunkin’ Donuts franchise: “Well, I just love doughnuts. My mother loves coffee. Auburn, Alabama, where I was in school, they don’t have a doughnut place a good coffee place. Those are things Dunkin’ Donuts brings to the table.” Shouldn’t Evans be a cop?
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, responding to a woman in a white wedding dress, who asked if he would marry her: “I’ve never had a proposal before. I have a few Miss Bradys. What’s your name? (Inez Brady, she replies.) I’m a one-woman man.” Brady did not give her a bouquet of flowers. Brady’s girlfriend, model Gisele Bundchen, will be happy to know Brady is being true to her at “Media Day” — and doesn’t want to marry a woman with a press pass.
Manning, responding to a woman with a “Miss Nevada” sash who asked if he would marry her: “I’m taken for.” He meant “spoken for,” but maybe not for long. Manning’s fiancée, Abby McGrew, who, like Bundchen, lives in New York and works in the fashion industry, was told by Manning not to sit in a luxury box at the NFC championship game because she had watched a game from a suite before, and he played awfully. The wind chill in Green Bay was minus-24. Where does she sit here — on a block of ice?
Giants middle linebacker Antonio Pierce, on the Super Bowl: “We didn’t come here to lose, but they (the Patriots) already have a book.” In fact, began taking pre-orders Monday for “19-0: The Historical Championship Season of New England’s Unbeaten Patriots,” by The Boston Globe. Will it have to be changed to “18-1: The Historical Choke Job”?
Patriots cornerback Asante Samuel, on his name: “It means ‘Thank you’ in Swahili.” Asante very much, Asante.
Patriots coach Bill Belichick, on Super Bowl memories as a former Giants assistant coach: “I remember beating Denver in Pasadena was awesome.” Ouch.
Giants defensive end Michael Strahan, on pregame performer Alicia Keys: “One of my favorites, (singing) “No one, no one, no one … ” And it goes on: “… Can get in the way of what I feel for you.” “Will you marry me, Michael?”
Patriots running back Laurence Maroney, on whether he prefers to run inside or outside. “I can go inside or outside.” Asante, Laurence, for that insight and outsight.
Patriots linebacker Mike Vrabel, on Belichick’s hooded sweat shirt: “That is his little woobie. That’s his little security blanket. He has got that pouch, and he keeps all his stuff in it. You would like to see what is inside that pouch, I bet.” A video camera, an iPod featuring the music of Conny and The Bellhops, a Dunkin’ Donut, 37 cents, a koosh stress ball, an advance copy of the book “19-0: The … ” and a hobgoblin.
Belichick, on linebacker Tedy Bruschi: “You look up the definition of football player in the dictionary, and there will be a picture of him.” I looked up the definition in Webster’s Dictionary, and it stated: “An athlete who plays football.” There was no picture of Bruschi.
Belichick, responding to a request for an interview from TV Azteca: “I don’t know any Spanish — not one word.” Bueno, Bill.
Patriots safety Rodney Harrison, on dirty play: “Football is dirty with lots of dirtiness. We signed up for a dirty sport. That’s why you guys don’t do it.” That’s dirty. He should be penalized for “giving us the business.”
Patriots linebacker Adalius Thomas, on “Media Day”: “It’s better than not working. You guys (media) have a job to do.” It’s not a job. It’s better than not working. It should be a national holiday. Now, where’s the free lunch?
Woody Paige: 303-954-1095 or wpaige@denverpost.com
