Dear Amy: I am 57, and my fiancee is 51.
We have been engaged for nearly three years. The reason for this long engagement is that her daughter is going to school and her scholarship package is tied to her mother’s income. Her daughter will graduate next spring.
I have a “nest egg” that consists of retirement accounts, home equity and a few other savings vehicles. My fiancee does not have a “nest egg.” I have asked her to sign a prenup, which would protect my assets in case the marriage did not work out. She is dead set against it.
I also have a will leaving two-thirds of my estate to her and the other one-third to my daughter. I have no problem combining our incomes from this day on. I understand the emotional challenge this is for her, but wouldn’t you agree that this is not an unreasonable request?— Future Husband
Dear Husband: When it came to postponing the marriage for the sake of keeping her income lower and getting scholarship money, your fiancee proved plenty savvy, but when it comes to your making choices for the sake of protecting the assets you built up over your career, she is quite the romantic.
I agree that you should have a prenuptial agreement. Presumably, you will use the nest egg for financing your lives together in retirement — not for your use alone. In your conversations, you and your fiancee should take an objective look at your assets with the goal of growing them for your future. You should also agree on an amount that would remain yours if the marriage ended.
Together you should read “Prenups for Lovers: A Romantic Guide to Prenuptial Agreements,” by Arlene Dubin (2001, Villard). Dubin shows how the best prenups benefit both parties.
Dear Amy: I think you had it right when you responded to “Single Mother by Choice” by saying, “In general, two loving parents are better than one.” The key word is “loving.” I grew up with an abusive father and a mother who wouldn’t protect herself or us from him. I certainly think that I was better off without him in our lives. — Sad
Dear Sad: I agree. For children, an absent parent trumps an abusive parent. It’s quite sad that you have had to make that distinction.
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