Dear Amy: My husband’s daughter from his previous marriage, “Kerry,” is getting married in two months. Kerry’s mother, who walked out on the family, also is remarried. Kerry has asked her dad to walk her down the “aisle,” but I am not invited to the wedding.
Because I am not to be included, he has declined. Kerry also has not invited her stepfather. Her father believes this is to justify my not being invited. His ex seems to have a lot of trouble moving on with her life.
I am grateful that my husband is standing on principle, but I am torn. I believe that his daughter should be able to have both parents and their spouses present.
My husband is steadfast in his choice to not attend this wedding without me.
Should I be the “bigger person” and encourage him to go to the wedding alone? — Not Sure
Dear Not Sure: I understand your desire to be the bigger person here. However, “Kerry” should watch her father’s example before she walks down the aisle. He is demonstrating what it means to be married.
When you are married, you don’t leave your spouse home. You celebrate important milestones with your partner by your side. A marriage is a public acknowledgment that you and your spouse are in a family together. Others should honor this commitment.
Kerry is violating a basic rule of etiquette and demonstrating poor judgment in not including her parents’ spouses in her wedding. Your husband has made up his mind, and unless he can persuade his daughter to grow up and be inclusive, I agree with him that he should stay home.
Dear Amy: I am happily married and have no children. Our next-door neighbors have four children. Two weeks ago, they came for dinner.
Right after we ate, their 4-year-old was running around and knocked down a $600 vase. It shattered! I was very upset but didn’t show it. They laughed it off and didn’t even say they were sorry or offer to pay for it. I was shocked.
Are they being inconsiderate, or am I overreacting? — LK
Dear LK: This is a “two-fer.” They are being inconsiderate, and you have learned an expensive lesson.
When hosting a family that includes four children, it is probably best to do some basic childproofing.
All the same, their 4-year-old should not be a one-man wrecking crew.
Your neighbors should have been mortified and offered to compensate you for the vase, and you should have politely refused.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to “Concerned Mom,” regarding bringing her baby to visit with her in-laws, who have a dog that bites.
Amy, there is no “compromise” relating to that baby. They should never allow their child to visit that home as long as that dog is there.
Our dog snapped at someone and tried to bite me once. I thought I could keep an eye on my baby and be safe too. My 9-month-old was in a baby seat and the dog was in the same room. When my baby raised her arm, the dog grasped her face in his jaw and bit down. I was 3 feet away.
I won’t go into the gory details, but the results were devastating.
That was more than 20 years ago. That animal was out of our lives that day. Our daughter suffered a great deal and has several scars to show for the naive idea that we could keep her safe with an unsafe dog in the home.
We have since adopted two fantastic dogs that became wonderful family pets. — Carolynn in Connecticut
Dear Carolynn: I told “Concerned Mom” that if she knowingly brings a baby into a home with a biting dog, what happens next is her responsibility. The compromise I suggested was that the dog be kept in another room during visits.
I’ve heard from several parents telling stories of family dogs biting babies.
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