It’s only a matter of days before those working on the human genome project find the male anti- throw-pillow gene. What else could explain men’s universal dislike of these essential home accessories?
Here’s an example: My husband, Dan, and I recently went to a neighborhood Super Bowl party. As the neighbors took their seats around the big screen, Dan and another guy stood staring at the sofa, which was artfully decorated with coordinated throw pillows. Without any discussion, both men started taking the pillows off the sofa and setting them on the floor.
“What are you doing?” I said, horrified.
“What?” Dan said in a defensive play. “There was nowhere to sit.”
The other guy ran interference, adding, “They were in the way.”
The hostess shrugged and said, “My husband does the same thing.”
That’s what I mean. Guys don’t get that throw pillows complete sofas and beds the way jewelry and handbags complete outfits. To them, throw pillows are just one more thing women put between them and getting in bed.
And they really don’t get the price of custom throw pillows. One day Dan overheard me on the phone discussing some pillows I was having made. After I hung up, he squawked, “Forty dollars each?”
I nodded. I didn’t tell him that was just to sew them, and that fabric, filler and fringe were extra, because I didn’t have time to drive him to the stroke center.
Even my dogs, both male, have a thing against throw pillows. Every day, as I’m settled into my office working, hunched over my computer like Snoopy at his typewriter, Oliver nudges Theo. He gives a signal, a swish of the tail, and an eyebrow or ear twitch. Then the two of them tip-paw into the living room, where I have two couches facing each other — one for each dog.
Each sofa has seven pillows. Each dog takes a sofa. They start at one end, then take off, rooting and tunneling between cushions and couch, shoving the pillows aside like snow throwers.
“Knock it off!” I yell when I hear the scuffling.
They stop for a moment of respectful silence, which is more than my kids do, then continue scuffling, until every pillow is on the floor. The first dog to get all the pillows down wins.
Satisfied, they then go to the green chair in the family room, and kick off its pillow, which bugs them, and continue around the house clearing pillows from beds and chairs, as if doing mankind a public service.
Shortly after the Super Bowl party, Dan saw the dogs at their daily game. “Atta boys,” he said proudly, “tackle ’em.”
Throw pillows: Must be a chick thing.
Marni Jameson is a nationally syndicated columnist and author of the forthcoming book “The House Always Wins” (Da Capo Press, April). Contact her through .
Pillow talk
Kathy Sizemore owns Interior Motives in Aurora and has been making custom throw pillows for more than 30 years. For those of us who care about the finer details of throw pillows, here’s what she says to consider.
Fabric: Throw pillows are your chance to add a spike to your room, by way of an unexpected color or print, or to integrate other fabrics in the room. Put print pillows on solid- color sofas, and solids on print sofas. One pillow made of two fabrics in the room plus a coordinating trim makes the difference between a custom pillow and one you buy off the shelf.
Edging: Certain edge details go with certain design styles. Pick the one most at home at your space.
Knife edge: Two sides meet in a simple seam. This unadorned look goes well in a contemporary setting. But anywhere else it can look unimaginative.
Welt: A line of piping around the edge, a welt can be in the same fabric (self welt) or a different one (contrasting welt), and either thin or thick. This tailored look goes well in traditional homes.
Gathered: The look of ruffles, in fabric or lace or layers of both, is popular in the deep South, and in English or French country-style homes.
Flange: An ungathered ruffle, this edging is a flat border that frames the pillow. You can make it of the main fabric, an accent fabric, or a layer of each. Flanged pillows go well in tailored settings, classic and transitional homes and give a smart but relaxed look.
Forms: Buy pillow forms two inches bigger than their covers: A 20-inch square pillow takes a 22-inch form. Think outside the box and consider shapes other than square, such as round, rolled or rectangular. Save forms shaped like balls or hearts for the boudoir.
Fill: Pure down is the softest but needs plumping. Down blends are still soft but more practical, and synthetic fillers have come a long way since the days of no-give Dacron, and are hypoallergenic.
Number: If your room is formal and symmetrical, use an even number of matching pillows. Most rooms, however, particularly casual, modern or eclectic interiors, invite odd arrangements.
Care: Use karate to plump up a flattened-out pillow. Punch each side in toward the center, then land a karate chop down the crest of the top. Practice on your mate if he still doesn’t get it.
