TUCSON, Ariz.—There were hugs all around for Colorado Rockies reliever Matt Herges when the NL champions gathered for spring training Friday.
“We’ve got your back,” right-hander Aaron Cook assured the 37-year-old pitcher, the only current Rockies player named in the Mitchell report on drugs in baseball.
Herges’ apology this week for using performance-enhancing drugs earned him support, but a suspension could await.
“I’m praying there’s no suspension,” Herges said. “But if there is, that’s the price I have to pay.”
For cheating—and for coming clean.
“Some people told me not to admit anything or I’d be opening myself up to a suspension,” Herges said. “But I had to come out and tell people what I had done. It was a risk I was willing to take. I feel free now.”
On Wednesday, Herges issued an acknowledgment and an apology for using performance-enhancing drugs and told The Associated Press he was actually thankful he had been named in the Mitchell Report because it led him to do some soul-searching that ultimately allowed him to clear his conscience.
“I’ve gotten hugs from everybody,” Herges said. “I don’t deserve it but I’m grateful for it.”
Herges said general manager Dan O’Dowd called him to say he was proud of how he had stood up and taken ownership of his mistakes.
“I can’t tell you how incredible that feels,” Herges said of O’Dowd’s call.
Herges confirmed that he was involved in steroid use in 1999 while in the Los Angeles Dodgers’ farm system and that he had used human growth hormones from 2004 to 2005.
“I’m sure everyone has their own reason, but I think initially it was: this is what I’ve dreamed about being my whole life and what can I do to attain it?” Herges said. “Which is so wrong. And that’s what the youth need to understand: don’t be as insecure as I was to try to attain what you’ve always dreamed of doing. If I had never taken anything, I could still be a seven-year major league player.
“Even if this had never come out, what I was carrying around, it was eating away at me. That’s not a secret you want to hold, especially from your wife, from your family, from teammates, from the fans.”
Herges said he was clean last year, when he played a key role in the Rockies’ historic run to their first World Series. He went 5-1 with a 2.96 ERA in 35 games, which he parlayed into a one-year, $2.5 million contract.
He said friends and family have forgiven him, and he realized Friday that his teammates and coaches have, too.
“I haven’t seen a face that’s reserved at all,” Herges said. “It’s all been great. You can see it in their eyes. I’ve come across people this winter who are just a little leery. But here, it’s been different. Cookie told me, ‘We’ve got your back.’ And not that they support what I’ve done, but since I’ve come clean, it’s like, ‘OK, we’ve got your back now. Let’s get on with it.’
“When people see someone broken and they see humility about it, I think people appreciate that,” Herges said. “I think that’s what people want. I think that’s what our country wants. People are like, ‘Just admit, show that you’re sorry, legitimately, and we’ll forgive you.’
It’s not empathy Herges sought but peace of mind.
“I did this because I needed to do this,” he said. “No matter what the penalty, I was still going to admit it and apologize. I’m just hoping and praying that there’s no penalty.”
Rockies first base coach Glenallen Hill also was named in the Mitchell Report and issued a written apology on Wednesday. Herges had left the Hi Corbett Field by the time Hill arrived Friday afternoon.
“I look forward to seeing him,” Herges said. “And kind of extending to him what I’ve been extended, and that’s probably a nice, big hug.”
The Rockies’ pitchers and catchers have their first workout Saturday with position players due a week later. However, several of them have already arrived, including slugger Todd Helton, who said he couldn’t wait to start things up again after tasting the playoffs last year for the first time.
“Yeah, it was a good offseason,” said a rather svelte Helton. “It’s not easy to win in the big leagues. As we showed last year, a lot of things have to go right to win. Hopefully, we can do that again this year.”
The Rockies won an unfathomable 21 of 22 to reach the World Series, but they insist that wasn’t a fluke.
Cook said he already notices a different climate in the clubhouse, and Helton said he sensed it, too.
Underneath the smiles, though, Boston’s sweep in the Fall Classic still gnaws at them.
“It should be motivation,” center fielder Willy Taveras said. “We lost. They played better. We didn’t do what we think we could do.”
