Dear Abby: Have you any tips on how to deal with an emotional bully? My mother-in-law is insulting, but sneaky about it.
She insists that she’s “just trying to help.” If I speak up, she says, “Why are you being so sensitive?” or, “I’m just being honest.” She has criticized my parenting skills and chiseled away at my self-esteem more times than I can count.
Defending myself doesn’t help. If I try, she turns a deaf ear. I need some strong, but polite, comments to get her to back off. Please help. — Under Attack in West Virginia
Dear Under Attack: Two can play the game of selective deafness. Has it occurred to you to simply tune the woman out? If, however, you feel compelled to respond, then look her in the eye and say, “Then I’m going to be honest with you, too. I’m doing the best I can. Your comments are hurtful, and unless you stop criticizing me, I’m going to spend more time with my family during the holidays. Got it?”
Dear Abby: I am a 64-year-old woman who is proud to be Jewish. I know there is still anti-Semitism in the world. We go to Mexico every winter, and the number of Jewish people in our community there is very small.
At home I wear a Star of David on a chain around my neck, but when we’re in Mexico, I feel self-conscious about it. We belong to a large organization in Mexico that is comprised of non-Jews. Should I wear it, and possibly be shunned because I’m Jewish, or leave it at home? —
Rachael in Buffalo Grove, Ill.
Dear Rachael: Religion is supposed to be a positive force. Those who use religion as an excuse to shun others are bigots.
Your Star of David is part of who you are, so wear it. If people avoid you because of your religion, they weren’t sincere friends to begin with, nor are they nice people, and you won’t have lost a thing.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
