Why are some dining experiences exquisite, and others — the pits? We look at the server-diner relationship from both sides of the plate.
THE WAITER
By Kristen Browning-Blas, Denver Post Food Editor
A restaurant can control the quality of the ingredients it buys, the type of chef and cooks it hires, the way the menu is written, the thickness of the tablecloths and even the shape of its plates, but the diner-server relationship is, by its very nature, changeable.
And like any relationship, it takes two to dance, but the server-served pairing is a little lopsided. The server must be attuned to the customer, who, after all, is paying for service.
That’s service, not servants.
Sensitivity on the clients’ side can make the transaction more pleasant for both, say restaurant veterans, many of whom went through a series of interviews, classes and even psychological tests before they were allowed to bring a basket of bread to a table.
A good server watches guests from the moment they sit down. He assesses if a couple is on a date, or a business meeting, and adjusts his attention accordingly. If the customers both have their laptops open, waiters drop the check as soon as the entree is served at Cool River Steak House in the Tech Center, a popular business lunch spot.
“We know they don’t have much time but don’t want them to feel rushed looking to pay,” says general manager Joe Madril. “But at night, couples want to be much more taken care of and pampered.”
What diners might not realize is their server is watching them, looking for all kinds of clues to their mood, tastes and even how they’ll tip.
Waiters are expert readers of body language. They can tell with the flick of an eye if a customer needs something.
“Maybe they’re looking around the restaurant, versus being intent on their meal, or fidgeting in the seat instead of being intent on their conversation, or if there’s a lot of food left on the plate,” says Mark Moses, a joint venture partner with Outback Steakhouse, a chain that hires many students as servers, and whose extensive training starts with the basics.
“One of first things we teach is please and thank you,” says Moses.
Those two little words can work wonders on both sides of the table.
“Just be polite. Say please and say thank you — that goes a long way for servers,” says the blogging server who writes on and is putting the final touches on a memoir, “Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip — Confessions of a Cynical Waiter,” due out in August from Ecco/HarperCollins. Until publication of the book, he goes by “The Waiter.”
“We know you’re ordering food, but we don’t want to be ordered around,” says The Waiter, who works at an upscale Italian restaurant in the New York area. Servers are under plenty of stress from both sides of the swinging door.
“Often waiters are not operating with everything they need,” he says. “There may not be enough people to do the job — bus people, line cooks, sometimes the espresso machine doesn’t work or you don’t have enough teaspoons, which actually happened to me this Valentine’s Day.” He had to retrieve spoons from a tub of dirty dishes, wash them himself and deliver the coffees to the table with a smile and nothing more.
“Waiters do a lot of advocating for customers,” says The Waiter. “On a bad day in the kitchen all they see is tickets and misery. It’s like sailors in there — sometimes it gets really heated. But a good waiter will try never to let the internal shenanigans of the restaurant come out (into the dining room). The customers, mostly, are blissfully ignorant.”If something is really bothering you, though, all concerned want to hear about it.
“If something isn’t right, we want to know. We want to make sure their experience is enhanced, not diminished,” says Madril. “We don’t want to get a phone call later — that just leaves a bad taste in everybody’s mouth.”
And who wants that?
Kristen Browning-Blas: 303-954-1440 or kbrowning@denverpost.com
The waiter’s point of view
So, what do waiters wish we knew? Here’s what they say:
“Don’t show up 15 minutes before closing time. You could be Mother Teresa but we’d still hate you.” The Waiter.
“All they have to do is smile and ask, and we can take care of anything.” Mark Moses, Outback boss.
“There are reasonable substitutions but you need to eat what’s on the menu. I had a customer who walked in and said, ‘I want sushi.’ I said, ‘This is an Italian restaurant ma’am,’ and she said, ‘You have tuna, don’t you? Make me some sushi.'” The Waiter.
“At least be aware that the server is a person, too. It’s always more fun and easier to take care of someone who’s pleasant than someone who wants to get in your face.” Thomas Murphy, 21-year waiter, The Fort.
“Don’t touch the waiters. Don’t pull on the apron, grab the elbow, don’t pat their fanny. Keep your hands to yourself.” The Waiter.
“If you’re going to a fancy restaurant, leave your kids at home. I like kids, but at 9 o’clock on a Saturday night — that’s just crazy.” The Waiter.
“The problem for the service industry is most people don’t know (including my mother, she had to learn this) that the gratuity is very important. You earn next to nothing.”* Thomas Murphy, The Fort. *Servers say 15 to 20 percent is the average. And include the wine when calculating the tip — you can afford it.
Kristen Browning-Blas
THE DINER
By Dana Coffield, The Denver Post
Even diners fluent in the language of complaining when their food or drink aren’t up to snuff are sometimes tongue-tied when it comes to grousing about lousy service.
No one wants to look like a jerk, see their server dressed down in the dining room or have to worry that if they do complain, they’ll be retaliated against.
But restaurant managers and owners say disgruntled diners should be brave and speak up. A few well-chosen words can keep a marvelous meal from finishing flat as a failed souffle.
“A lot of people are scared about it,” says Lora McCabe, managing partner at Maggiano’s in downtown Denver, “but I think our job is to make sure that if you are having a bad time, we just fix it and don’t make you feel bad about it.”
Nancy Zamparelli worked the front of the house at top California restaurants Spago in Beverly Hills and Domaine Chandon in the Napa Valley before opening Zamparelli’s Italian Bistro in Lafayette, and still feels anxiety when she has to complain about service. “I, as a diner, sometimes have exactly the same problem,” she admits.
But know this: Restaurateurs want to fix what’s wrong at the table, and they can’t fix what they don’t know about.
“We put the busers, servers, bartenders and cooks out there as our ambassadors,” Zamparelli says. “If they’re not doing us justice, we need to know.”
How and when to complain? Here are some tips:
Say what you want: If you want your steak as an appetizer and your pasta as an entree, say so up front. If you’re in a hurry — or you want to linger — say so when you sit down. This helps the server pace your meal, or, in the case of a rush, allows them to help you choose items that can be prepared quickly.
Remember, it’s a relationship: Though a server/diner relationship lasts only an hour or two, make the most of it. Make eye contact with your server and smile to indicate you are open to a few words. “If you are dismissive to the server, you have missed an opportunity to correct a situation, or resolve a problem,” says Kevin Taylor, owner of Kevin Taylor Restaurants in Denver.
Tell the truth: Zamparelli always hopes the patrons will answer truthfully when she approaches tables where it appears something has gone wrong. “Not being honest is the worst. I’ll get you a meal that you would like better, or get you a new server. I would rather buy you a $10 salad, than have you walk out and never come back.”
Yes, 10 minutes is too long: McCabe says at her restaurant, she hopes servers at least acknowledge a new table within two minutes of the party sitting down. “If no one’s come by within five minutes, it’s appropriate to grab someone, go to the host stand, or wave someone down and say ‘We haven’t had somebody come by yet.’ ” Ditto for the delivery of food. Unless you’ve asked to linger, in most cases, there shouldn’t be more than 10 minutes between courses. “An order can get lost, so it’s always appropriate to ask, even if you don’t want to make a fuss.”
Understand that sometimes, restaurants get in the weeds: A server may be anxious about running behind, but be scared to let you know that the kitchen is running slow, or that they are overwhelmed. It doesn’t hurt to ask the server what’s going on, and it doesn’t hurt to report sluggish service to a manager. They’re going to try to make things right, but they can’t do it, if they don’t know. “As with most situations, communication is key,” Taylor says.
Move up the food chain: You can’t really complain about a server’s performance to the server, so ask for a manager.
Lie if you must: Zamparelli says it’s OK to fib to get the manager to your table. Not so long ago, a server rushed over to say a patron was interested in having a party at her restaurant. “I went over and said ‘You want to have a party?’ And the woman said ‘No, this server is awful. She can’t be my server.’ ” Zamparelli quickly moved the server to another station.
Be specific: Saying “My server is awful” doesn’t always help. Try to explain: “He doesn’t seem to know the menu. Can you send over someone else?”
Be polite: Don’t salt your complaint with peppery words. “It’s not a guest’s responsibility to be nice to us, but you do catch more flies with honey,” McCabe says.
Know what you want: A new server? A different table? More attention from management? “Once I know someone has a problem, I’m going to take much more of an interest in that table, to make sure everything from that point is perfect,” McCabe says.
They know you’re not angling for a free dessert: “Most of the time, if someone has had a problem, we’re going to buy them something,” McCabe says. “We take complaints seriously. For us, it’s more of an acknowledgment that you’re spending a good amount of money, your time or a special occasion with us and we want to make it up to you.”
Know the difference between a complaint that will make your night and one made for the greater good: If it’s a greater-good complaint — The busboy’s pants are sagging way too low! — wait until you’re leaving and say, “I just thought you’d like to know,” Zamparelli says.
Use the tip line: If you decide to stiff a server, write a note — Horrible service! — on the credit card slip. “Without an explanation, stiffing someone just means you’re cheap,” Zamparelli says. “But slighting the tip with the explanation, that’s fair.” And if the buser and bartender picked up the server’s slack, hand them some cash.
Call or e-mail later: If you don’t want to ruin your night by griping, please do send an e-mail or call later. McCabe says this at least allows her to follow up with the person who made your meal go wrong.
Respect the reservation: If you’ve reserved for four at 7 p.m., be there at 7 p.m. with four people. If you’re running late, or have an extra guest, call and say so. “Three people are not the same as two, for table purposes, and that’s a huge deal,” Zamparelli says. If you’re changing your number, especially if it’s a busy night, know you may have to wait until your table configuration opens up.
Dana Coffield: 303-954-1954 or dcoffield@denverpost.com
