Here are ideas for parents about how to talk with kids about sex and contraception from Children Now, the Kaiser Family Foundation and Judy Wilkinson, a licensed clinical social worker in Denver working with kids and families.
Start early: Around 4, talk with kids about their anatomy — using proper anatomical names. At that age, make sure they understand that “private parts” should be just that.
Children ages 8 to 12 are old enough to be curious about sex, and girls in this age group are beginning to menstruate, which is an ideal time for parents to broach the subject of sex and contraception. Parents also should explain the link between love and sex, and outline their own personal beliefs. A pregnancy in the family or in a parents’ circle of friends may create other opportunities to talk.
Take the lead: Kids talk to parents first. Teens get information from friends and media. Parents should feel empowered by the fact that they can shape a child’s first impressions about sex and contraception. Try using TV and other media to start these talks. For instance, when parent and child watch TV together and a show’s plot includes a pregnant teen, ask the child later what she thought of the program. Did she agree with how the teenagers behaved? Just one or two questions can kick-start a valuable discussion.
Communicate your values: Parents who disagree with sex before marriage should say so. Parents who suspect their child is having sex should kindly but directly ask. Parents should avoid “just-the-facts” explanations that lack the values and moral principles they want to instill. Research shows children want and need moral guidance from moms and dads.
Keep it simple: Use age-appropriate language. Short words and straightforward explanations mean more to a 6-year-old learning about AIDS for the first time, for instance, than words like “transmission” and “transfusion.”
Be honest: Honesty, even if a parent is nervous about the subject, strengthens children’s trust and creates an open environment for tackling tough issues. Without truthful answers to kids’ questions, they are more likely to make up their own fantastic explanations.
Elana Ashanti Jefferson
