Dear Amy: I’m a 19-year-old male college student.
I’m planning a bicycle trip from Illinois to Oregon with a male friend this summer.
My parents are worried about my safety, and they are considering not letting me go.
My friend and I are fairly experienced bicyclists and have planned this trip thoroughly.
My parents have said they won’t let me go on the trip unless we get more people to go with us, but everyone seems to already have summer plans.
I’ve put a great deal of time, money and effort into preparing/training for the trip. My friend and I will be carrying cellphones as well as other emergency/safety gear.
How can I persuade my parents to let me go? — David in Northern Illinois
Dear David:
Ask your folks to voice their specific concerns, then address them with specific solutions. Present them with a detailed itinerary, and if you have any friends and family along the route, arrange to check in with them.
Your parents are going to have to come to terms with the fact that they are going to have to let you metaphorically get on your bike, wave goodbye and turn the corner into adulthood. Now might be a good time to start.
Dear Amy: Last year I discovered that my husband was having an “emotional” affair that included phone sex with a former colleague who is also married. They carried on for 10 years after she moved to another state.
After I confronted my husband, he owned up to the relationship — although he didn’t consider it “cheating.” He said he was committed to me and our marriage. We have been seeing a marriage counselor for more than a year.
My husband just told me he received an e-mail from her saying she will be visiting our area this summer. She wants to see him. He says there is nothing wrong with seeing her. Our marriage counselor said if he wanted our marriage to survive, he must never see or speak to her again. — Wondering If I’m Crazy
Dear Wondering: Your counselor is correct in advising no contact between your husband and the other woman. You have also been transparent about how damaging and hurtful this relationship is to you.
How much more information does your husband need before he understands that he is taking a sledgehammer to your relationship? If he is so desperate to see his special friend and so insistent that you have nothing to worry about, then surely he won’t object to your coming along on his meeting.
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