Dear Amy: My daughter is getting married later in the summer.
She is 22. Her biological father left us in 1994 for his secretary and has since married her. He pays child support and calls once in a while, but he was distant through her “terrible teens.” I remarried in 1996. Our combined kids were 5, 6, 7, 8 and 10 at the time we married. My husband and kids have been very close, and now that there is a wedding, the secretary/second wife has contacted our daughter and asked about the ceremony. She wants to make sure my daughter’s biological dad walks her down the aisle. She says only the biological dad should have a part in the wedding.
The kids and I believe the stepdad should be involved because he has chosen to be a part of the kids’ lives for more than 12 years, dealing with cuts, scrapes, car crashes, boys, school, etc.
I would not dream of excluding the stepdad or the new step-secretary-wife of the biological dad.
This must be a common problem. What do you suggest? — Wondering Mom
Dear Mom: First this. Your ex-husband has remarried. No matter the circumstances surrounding the dissolution of your marriage 14 years ago, it’s over. Let it go already. You can stop referring to your ex’s wife as the step-secretary-second wife. She is your ex-husband’s wife and your daughter’s stepmother.
Concerning your daughter’s wedding, you need to remember that it is her wedding. She can choose to honor one or both of her fathers in any number of ways.
Convention has changed when it comes to who walks the bride down the aisle. This honor is no longer reserved exclusively for biological fathers. Your daughter can walk with one or have both fathers flanking her, or she can walk with you or with her soon-to- be husband.
Some brides sidestep this whole issue by walking themselves down the aisle.
Whatever your daughter chooses to do, all of her parents should be seated at the front of the chapel, next to their spouses.
You also need to be on your best behavior on your daughter’s wedding day. The best wedding gift to give her is a happy, peaceful wedding day.
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