Dear Amy: I got engaged about a month ago, and my fiance and I are now in the process of starting to plan our wedding — about a year from now.
We’ve been together for almost seven years and have lived together for five of those years, so we’re well established in terms of what we need for our home.
I know that some couples encourage their guests to give gifts in the form of money to help them start their new lives as husband and wife, and to help recoup some of the cost of the wedding. Asking for money would make me very uncomfortable, but if we do decide to ask for money, how should we get that message across? — Hates Asking for Money
Dear Hates: If asking for money makes you uncomfortable, then don’t do it. In some cultures, brides and grooms are traditionally given cash at the wedding. I can see how fetching that idea is to you, but if this is not your cultural tradition, there is a fair chance it would make your family and friends uncomfortable too.
You’ve been living together for many years. You’ve flouted marriage tradition and enjoyed the benefits of cohabitation. Perhaps you could also reject the tradition of expecting gifts to establish a household you already maintain. And it is not your guests’ job to help you recoup the cost of the wedding.
These days couples can register for virtually everything. There are several Internet sites set up to register for a honeymoon (guests donate money earmarked for various experiences). Maybe you can figure out a way to register.
Dear Amy: I am 13. I have a boyfriend, “Lonnie,” who is the same age. He never tells me I am pretty or cute. When we talk on the phone, it is really about nothing — things like our dogs, the current presidential election and how girls are better than boys (that is more of a playful argument).
One time in an e-mail, Lonnie said my name was pretty. He said my name was “so pretty I could dance barefoot on the table.” I really like talking to him, but am I asking too much of my boyfriend for a compliment once in a while? — Wondering
Dear Wondering: If a 13-year-old boy says your name is so pretty he could dance barefoot on the table, I’d say you’re waaaay ahead of the game. That’s “Lonnie’s” way of telling you he likes everything about you.
When you and “Lonnie” talk about “nothing,” it’s not really nothing. Your conversations are important because you are establishing a nice rapport. We all like to be told we’re attractive, but I hope it’s not too important. When someone really likes you, your character is going to be as attractive to him as your physical attributes.
Dear Amy: Regarding the way teenagers choose to wear their hair, my daughter is a high school teacher, and she says that students with hairstyles and clothing that would be considered “different” are generally good kids.
The preppy, conformist type is much more likely to have serious problems.
My own grandson, a gentle, easygoing, non-confrontational young man, dyed his hair blue all through high school. My advice? “Let it be, let it be.” — Shirley in Bridgeton, Mo.
Dear Shirley: Speaking as a proud family member in which the kids seem to span the spectrum of hair and clothing choices, I echo your sentiments but challenge your assertion. Stereotyping “preppy” kids is as unfair as stereotyping anyone else. But, yes, I agree: Paul McCartney was right. Let it be.
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