Dear Amy: I am a high school student participating in a foreign exchange program through my school.
Last fall, the foreign host students came here and stayed with their respective American students. I “shared” my European host, “Frank,” with another student, “Steve,” whom I had never met.
The idea was that the two American students would spend an equal amount of time with the exchange host student during his stay here.
Because of family problems at my home, Frank spent his entire trip at Steve’s house, and we never even spoke the whole time. I feel I was blatantly rude and feel extremely guilty about it.
I have been in contact with Frank via e-mail, and he seems nonchalant, but I have no way of knowing how he really feels. When I travel to Europe this month, I’ll be staying with Steve at Frank’s house.
What can I do to make sure I get off on the right foot? I’ve considered buying an expensive gift — to compensate Frank and his family because he never stayed at my house. Would that be too tacky? — Worried Exchange Student
Dear Worried: Don’t bring an expensive gift. It’s best to bring a package of goodies representing your hometown — American cookies, toys, a game, an athletic shirt with your school’s name or an American sports team logo on it and something small and sweet for Frank’s parents.
Don’t walk in the door apologizing, but pick a moment and tell Frank that you’re sorry you didn’t hold up your end of the hosting deal.
You’ll get off on a great footing if you are open, enthusiastic, fun, uncomplaining, and if you help with the dishes after meals.
Dear Amy: I recently got out of a long relationship that ended badly. Now I am getting really annoyed with my friends because they are not being supportive or nice to me.
I have been through a lot and would like some support, but whenever I share a story with my friends about my new experiences — for instance, about dating — they add their comments. I have not asked for comments and sometimes they say negative things. This upsets me.
Another time I was sharing a story, and my friend was negative, saying that it does not sound as if I am very open to things.
I feel my friends aren’t being nice or supportive? — Annoyed
Dear Annoyed: Friendship isn’t like a press conference where you can make a statement and then say, “Sorry, but I won’t be taking any questions.” You seem to think that the role of a friend is to listen passively and then offer support, but sometimes a true friend will weigh in and offer a point of view, even when your friend knows you won’t like what you hear.
Unsolicited advice is seldom welcome, but a friend who says, “It doesn’t sound as if you’re very open to things,” is making an observation that might lead you to an insight about yourself. Your dismissing it makes you seem, well, not very open. Your friends should respect your wishes when you say, “I appreciate your opinion, but I just need to vent right now.” You should also ask for their views and insights.
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