Dear Amy: How much affection between a father and daughter is considered socially acceptable?
My husband, “Ed,” always kisses his 22-year-old daughter (my stepdaughter) smack on the lips. They both initiate this type of kiss, which is only a second or two long. This is usually accompanied by a quick hug. They have done this for as long as I’ve known them — eight years.
On Ed’s birthday, after opening his cards and gifts he exclaimed, “Thank you both!” and kissed his daughter on the lips. Then he kissed me the same way! I felt uncomfortable with this. It just seems strange that he kisses us both the same way.Ed also calls his daughter “sweetheart” and “honey.”
I don’t want to come off sounding like the jealous spouse; I simply believe there are some things that should be reserved for spouses.— Third-Wheel Spouse
Dear Third wheel: You do sound like a jealous spouse. You even call yourself a “third wheel,” which reveals how you see yourself whenever your stepdaughter is around.
A glancing kiss on the lips and affectionate nicknames and endearments between a father and daughter seem normal to me, certainly between a parent and child who don’t see one another constantly.
It is also normal for you to feel some displacement when your husband is around his daughter, but if you are being excluded, you should ask your husband to be more conscious of how this makes you feel.
There are many expressions and activities that should be reserved for spouses only, but a quick kiss and the terms “sweetie” and “honey” are not among them.
Dear Amy: I feel as if I’ve been used. My fiancee told me to move out of the house we co-own. She went back to dating the same guy with whom she cheated on me. I moved, but I’m still supporting her by paying the house taxes, insurance, etc.
I’ve invested thousands of dollars into the house for renovations and expansion. I can tell she really doesn’t want me around the house, but she gladly accepts my monetary support. Meanwhile, the guy she cheated on me with has the run of the house. I’d like to continue co-owning the house as an investment. Should I try to negotiate a buyout from her? — Ray
Dear Ray: You are being used. Please remove any doubt from your mind. Gather all of your paperwork and receipts for everything you’ve spent on the house, consult a lawyer and get out of this bum deal.
Your cheating fiancee should buy you out, and you should take the money and run. This is no investment — this is an exercise in constant humiliation. Don’t participate in it.
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