Dear Amy: A few weeks ago during an argument with my wife of 25 years, we got into it about lying.
I confronted her about cheating on me with a friend of mine a couple of years after we were married.
I had strong suspicions at the time. Both people denied it, and my friend never spoke to me again. I had been friends with this guy since we were kids, and I was very much in love with my wife. She had a young daughter from her first marriage, and I wanted to be a happy family, and be a father to her daughter.
Now she finally confessed that my suspicions were true and that they had a one-night stand. She swears it only happened once.
Now, 23 years and four kids later, I’ve found out that my marriage is a sham, and I can’t trust the woman I have given my life to.
I don’t know if I’m better off knowing the truth or if it was better wondering and believing her lies.
Now hardly an hour goes by that I don’t think of them being together, wondering why they would do this.
Should I end the marriage and try to start a new life, or act as if nothing happened and try to deal with it on my own terms because it was a long time ago? This is really starting to wear on me. I can hardly sleep, and some of the things I want to do are not rational. I have five great kids and two families that I don’t want to have to suffer the same pain I feel. — Betrayed
Dear Betrayed: Your letter perfectly illustrates that trust is vital in intimate relationships. Even more than two decades later, the pain you feel is fresh, real and raw.
This doesn’t mean that your entire marriage is a sham or that it is over, however.
You and your wife can get through this if you choose to, but it will take a lot of work, and she will have to do whatever is necessary to win back your trust. Please go to marriage counseling. Many marriages come back from the brink, and I hope yours will too.
Dear Amy: I’m replying to “Wounded,” the letter about the girl who was jilted at the last minute by her prom date.
I think it’s rather absurd to ask the boy’s family to compensate the girl for her expenses and I’m wondering if you would have suggested the same thing to a boy who had been stood up by his prom date. Relationships are “buyer beware.” — Sean
Dear Sean: If a girl asked a boy to the prom and he rented a tux and limo and bought flowers and then she jilted him, I would suggest that she compensate him for his expenses.
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