Dear Amy: I love my stepmother, “Hannah.” Unfortunately, she is petty, judgmental, cold and stubborn, and I’m sick of her.
I see my father regularly, but I only see Hannah for any length of time during happy family occasions, during which she assumes and insinuates things about me and my private life.
Hannah thinks I watch too much TV, don’t get out enough and don’t act like a normal teenage girl. She very much resents my mother for no good reason, and I’m sick of her assumptions that I have no life.
These remarks make me feel very defensive, but I don’t want to bring happy occasions down by slapping her with a much deserved, “What do you mean by that?” Hannah will say something, and from that point on, she’s in my head like the “Small World” song. I’m not going to ask my father to talk to her and I won’t let my mother defend me either. This is strictly between us. I need to do something. — She’s in My Head
Dear Head: I appreciate your desire and instinct to handle this yourself, but your father should help you and your stepmother have a more peaceful and respectful relationship.
He needs to explain to “Hannah” that criticizing your mother in front of you is very rude and hurtful. I assume that your father doesn’t engage in this sort of behavior, and he should insist that his wife stop.
You should tell your dad how much Hannah’s comments affect you and ask for his advice on how to handle her personal criticism.
If Hannah’s hectoring gets into your head, the perfect antidote is to replace her voice with the “Small World” song, as you suggest.
Dear Amy: My husband and I befriended a local family through Little League baseball. We’ve had some good times, and our boys are best friends, but I can’t shake the feeling that the wife “digs” my husband.
Of course my husband thinks I’m crazy, so for the past three years I’ve been ignoring my instincts. Recently my spider sense has been tingling stronger than ever. While my husband swears he doesn’t feel “that way” about her, my friends say, “Go with your gut.” I told my husband how uncomfortable I feel around these people, but he insists on staying friends.
It has put a tremendous strain on us.
Now I am left out and very unhappy. Why can’t he respect my feelings and let these people, who mean very little to us, go? If he felt a mutual friend was sweet on me, I’m sure he wouldn’t tolerate it.
Your thoughts? — Disrespected
Dear Disrespected: Let’s review. Your spider sense is tingling that something is up, you ask your husband to lay off the friendship and he refuses. Now you are being left out — or leaving yourself out — giving your husband the privacy to explore this crush without you in the way.
This is a balancing act. You shouldn’t be able to dictate your husband’s choice of friends. He should respect your discomfort.
While you two are navigating through this, you should not remove yourself from this friendship — you should engage in it, if only to keep everybody honest.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to comments from “Tired,” about how young people dress at the office. As a professional of any age, you are required to attend work appropriately dressed, and the appropriate personnel in your office should communicate this. Perhaps “Tired” should examine how he treats his colleagues — because he refers to them as “kids.” I certainly cannot refer to older workers as “Pops,” so I ask the same courtesy in return.
Many of my peers have worked extraordinarily hard to earn their places in today’s competitive workforce and as such deserve to be treated with respect. — Lauren
Dear Lauren: Thanks for sticking up for competent young workers. Courtesy and respect should run both ways.
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