Dear Amy: My live-in girlfriend of two years dumped me a couple of weeks ago, saying that she had never loved me.
Since the breakup I haven’t been doing well. We had two cats, one that I had adopted and one that we adopted together. I finally found an apartment. I had been under the impression that I would be taking both cats with me. The two cats are very close, and I’ve always been the primary caretaker for them. I have been the one who cleaned the litter box and took them to the vet.
When I went to the apartment to pack, my ex told me that she wouldn’t let me take both cats.
She told me that if I took our cat she would feel bitter toward me and that we would never be able to have a relationship of any sort.
I was furious and upset. I cried and screamed, and my anger really scared me.
To be honest, I am still in love with her, and I don’t want to do anything that I know will cause me to lose her forever. But I’m also horrified at giving up my cat, and horrified to think of my other cat crying all day and all night and refusing to eat, the way he did the only other time I separated them and took him to a new place.
Now I’m incredibly sad and lonely. It seems like a lot to lose. Should I give up? And how can I deal with my anger, frustration and sense of loss when I do? — Lonely
Dear Lonely: Your ex sounds like a prize jerk who is holding your cats hostage while she emotionally blackmails you.
I hope you recover from your hurt soon and that you are able to see how mean this is. It might help you to move on.
In terms of the cat you acquired together, you could take your ex to court and make a claim for custody — even though doing this would prolong this drama, which I don’t think is a good idea.
I agree with you that splitting up this feline pair is also probably not a good idea, but you should visit the cats to let them see you and curl around your ankles.
Your best bet at this point is to head to your local shelter to find a new pet (or two) to add to your family. Visit a shelter a few times to spend time with and play with all the cats. You might also consider volunteering at a shelter.
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