Dear Amy: I am in a long-term, committed relationship with a wonderful man. I love him very much and am excited about our future together.
However, recently I have developed a crush on a co-worker that I can’t seem to shake. This co-worker knows about my relationship, but I am pretty certain the crush is mutual. I would never cheat on my boyfriend, but I flirt with my crush more than I should. I feel incredibly guilty about this.
How do I get this crush out of my head and move past this? — Guilty and Confused
Dear Guilty: You could start your crush-abatement program by choosing to act differently.
Crushes and flirting are fun and enticing, but you are playing with fire. You feel guilty because you are behaving in a way that you know places something you value at risk.
I realize that this sounds simplistic, but … knock it off! That bad thing you’re doing? The thing you feel guilty about? Stop doing it! When you start to behave differently, eventually you will start to feel differently.
Get it together, limit your exposure to your co-worker and slowly turn your emotional cruise ship around. Be purposeful, and choose to behave in a way you’ll feel better about.
If you don’t get a grip, you run the risk of becoming one of those people who rends a treasured relationship asunder and then says, “I don’t know why I did it — it just happened.” Please don’t be one of those people.
Dear Amy: My life has been pretty stressful lately. I am a high school junior who aspires to be an interventional cardiologist. I am taking hard courses, but I look at other students in my grade and see the super-hard classes they are in and feel as though I am not as smart as they are. I feel as if I’m behind.
Next year I will be caught up, but what do I do now? Amy, please help me manage my stressed-out life. — Stressed Out Student
Dear Stressed Out: Far be it from me to discourage a budding interventional cardiologist. The world needs young people like you who have grand ambitions.
But you need to learn how to manage your workload and your stress level. This skill will serve you well — now and for the rest of your life.
You should have a meeting with your school guidance counselor to see if your course load is realistic and manageable. You might benefit by dialing your load down a notch — rather than up. It sounds counterintuitive, but this could be the best thing for you. Perhaps next semester you could trade out one course for some volunteer work at your local hospital.
You also need to choose an activity to do for no other reason than the sheer enjoyment of it. One hour of joy can erase many hours of stress.
Please go easy on yourself. Comparing yourself with other people will never serve you well. Colleges look for well-rounded young people who can balance their purpose and drive with a strong sense of self.
A book you might find helpful is “A Taste- Berry Teen’s Guide to Managing the Stress and Pressures of Life,” by a mother-daughter team, Bettie and Jennifer Youngs (2001, HCI Teens).
Additionally, a counselor could help you talk this through and also give you some suggestions for stress-busting behaviors, such as meditation and yoga. Ask your folks to help you set up an appointment.
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