Dear Margo: I am 18 years old and have recently come to terms with the fact that I am gay. The enormous issue with this comes from the fact that I am of the Mormon faith, which famously takes a strict stance on homosexuality. I attend a church school in Utah, and living in a hostile, homophobic environment is taking its toll on me. I am trapped in feelings of self-loathing and doubt, and I wish for nothing more than to have heterosexual feelings. On the one hand, I do believe in the religion and know it has done great things for me, but I also feel like I can’t stay a member of the church being who I am. I am afraid that if I live as a gay person, I will be sent to hell in the afterlife, but if I remain celibate in the church, I will be completely miserable. This issue has caused intense bouts of anxiety and depression. I feel trapped with nowhere to turn. — Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Dear Be: This is just a guess, as I am no statistician, but there have got to be more gay Mormons than just you. I would posit that you could find a liberal Mormon psychologist who might be helpful to you. It would be a shame to give up a religion you feel has done a great deal for you, but conversely, you are who you are, and it is my understanding that one’s religion should not cause him pain, anxiety and guilt. As for wishing to miraculously have heterosexual feelings, you might as well wish for eyes of a different color than you were born with: It’s not going to happen. Granted, no one has yet come back to report, but I am highly skeptical that gay people go to hell as a group. I hope you find either a religious or secular counselor who can help you and the Mormons coexist. You might try this site, as well: . — Margo, faithfully
A Personal Shopper’s Lament
Dear Margo: I work as a personal shopper in a fine department store. One of my clients is a woman whom I’ve never met, but deal with over the phone. She is the most condescending, obnoxious, rude, mean and abrasive customer I’ve ever had to contend with. If I do not follow her many instructions, she screams and yells, threatens my job, tells me how rich and powerful she is, and then goes crying to the head of the store. I can’t get rid of her because she does carry clout in the store and no one else wants to take her on. It’s getting to the point where I dread work and sometimes don’t answer the phone because she calls so frequently. Ideally, I’d like to get rid of her as a client, but since I can’t, how should I respond to such a miserable person? She’s a nightmare. — Battered by Telephone
Dear Bat: I would take a page from her book and go crying to the head of the store. Colleague to colleague, I would tell him of this woman’s routine and ask whether he has any suggestions for handling divas. Do mention that no one else wants to deal with her and you are tired of being yelled at, and ask what he recommends as a solution. This way, you will have covered your derriere and at least be inoculated should she complain about you if, one of these days, you remind her you are there to help her, not to be belittled. Good luck. — Margo, reactively
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
