Dear Amy: My daughter is in her mid-20s and has been in a relationship for a year with a never-married (we think) guy who is at least 12 years older than she. It’s her first serious relationship.
Our daughter is a successful businessperson who owns her own condo and car and has money in the bank. She is talking about giving up her condo and moving in with him.
He owns his own place, but he has a huge mortgage and lost his job about eight months ago. He has been forgoing buying health insurance, so he must not have money saved up.
We’ve yet to meet him. There has always been some excuse why we haven’t met.
We’ve asked her to go slowly and think about where this relationship is going and what she’s doing, but we fear it may be too late. What can we say to her? — Heartsick Mom
Dear Heartsick: You should continue to urge your daughter to be careful and cautious — all the time realizing that she is an adult and thus responsible for her own disasters.
Before cohabiting, your daughter should consider pursuing a prenuptial or “cohabitation agreement.” This process would require both parties to fully disclose their financial situations and negotiate terms in which they choose what to commingle and what to keep separate.
The process of disclosure and negotiation is an important one. It can be an eye-opener.
Dear Amy: I recently caught my wife in an emotional affair she has had over the phone (talks and lots of texts). I’m devastated. We have been married for 20 years, and although we have not communicated as well or as much as we used to, I had no idea she was in such an affair until I saw her phone bill.
This affair was going on for about 2 1/2 months. She has had no contact that I know of since I confronted her about it a month now.
My question is, now that it’s in the open and we do not want to end our relationship, what can we (or I) do to overcome the feelings of betrayal and mistrust? — Emotionally Drained
Dear Drained: My favorite book on the impact of affairs, emotional and otherwise, is “Not ‘Just Friends’: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity” by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli (2004, Free Press).
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