Dear Amy: I am 55. I have been with my domestic partner for 14 years. I was previously married for 18 years, and we ran our own business for 17 of those years.
I raised four children. I left him and closed the business. I moved to a smaller community where the economy was less demanding. I have taken a variety of jobs. At the time, I had two homes. This really wasn’t as good as it sounds. There were many problems.
My partner came along, and she had an exciting career in the movie industry. This, too, is not all that great, but it more than pays the bills. I gave up my job and pretty much cleared my schedule to be with her in Southern California and travel together. The choice hasn’t always been the best, but it also hasn’t been the worst.
I do not work by our choice. I do charity work and have attended many classes. I have been a tax preparer and worked at a small retail store. At times I am idle, but I try to keep busy.
What should I say when people ask, “What do you do for a living?” I answer their question, and they dismiss me.
I do not like to go on about myself, and I am a little tired of looking up the nostrils of people believing they have the right to look down their nose at me. — Nostril Gazer
Dear Gazer: When over the course of a short letter you repeatedly describe your own life as “not as good as it sounds” or “not the best, but not the worst,” it makes me wonder if you are holding up your end of a conversation adequately. My experience with people in the entertainment industry is that they aren’t really all that interested in what other people do. They are interested in what they do.
If you are mainly meeting people who work in entertainment, then it might help if you think of your conversation as an opportunity to let them “pitch.” The career-centric attitude comes in handy when you are asked what you do for a living, because all you need to say is, “I do a variety of things but mainly I take care of my home and travel with my partner. Now, what about you? Are you working on any interesting projects?” When you tell your story with confidence and ask good questions, people don’t look down on you because you haven’t given them any reason to.
Dear Amy: I am 13 years old. One of my good friends is having a Halloween party this year. My parents aren’t letting me go, because they say Halloween is “pagan.” All my friends are going to this party. I really don’t want to be the odd-girl out, but my parents won’t even listen to me! When I asked if they had ever been “trick-or-treating,” they said to drop the subject or I’d be grounded! I am really upset about this, and I am not sure what to tell my friend. — Not Tricked or Treated
Dear Not: Your parents are raising you according to their values. That’s their job.
It’s frustrating to feel left out of the frenzy the rest of the world seems to be enjoying, but people who are raised with strong faith practices or cultural beliefs have the right — some would say the duty — to maintain their beliefs, even when it’s tough to do so.
You need to tell your friends that even though it sounds like fun, your folks won’t let you celebrate Halloween. If it’s any small comfort, you should know that your folks are not alone in their beliefs. Many people don’t believe in or celebrate Halloween.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
