Dear Amy: I’ve been married to a wonderful woman for three years.
I am in my early 40s, have never wanted kids and had a vasectomy long before we married.
She is in her late 20s, knew of my choices and always said she didn’t want kids. She has changed her mind. Now she is asking me to do something that I don’t want to do or she will leave me. I’m left with two choices; to lose the woman I love or have unwanted children. — Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed: Your wife has pulled a dramatic switch on you, presenting you with a non-negotiable, life-altering issue. Issuing such an ultimatum is extremely unfair.
The best partnerships are those between people who talk and compromise, rather than lay down ultimatums, threatening to leave if their goals aren’t met.
If your wife wants to share her life with children, there are many ways to do so other than to have them. She could volunteer at a nursery school or mentor an older child. The fact that she is determined only to have a baby is a mark of her single-minded determination and lack of maturity.
This is a turning point in your relationship, and you would both benefit from sitting down with a marriage counselor who could help you air your concerns and chart a course for your future.
Dear Amy: I found your response to “Perplexed in Connecticut” lacking and probably a reason why there are so many rude children in the world today.
Saying that a child is “precocious” instead of rude is just making an excuse. This child should be taught to say that she is hungry and, “May I please have a snack?” Not, “What do you have to eat?” The writer of this letter is right to point out the lack of “pleases” and “thank yous” being taught to children. There are too many people making excuses for them with phrases such as, “Oh, isn’t he/she cute?” No, not cute — rude! — Rebecca, Virginia
Dear Rebecca: I have received a number of responses to “Perplexed” and some of these responses (not yours) have been quite rude.
Most people seem to agree with you that young children today are rude. I feel that young children simply need to be taught — and having a young guest is an opportunity to try to teach her with kindness the basic rules in your household — not blame her for being rude.
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