Dear Amy: I am 20 years old and gay. I met a guy more than two years ago.
We became friends and started hanging out. Within six months, we were living together — but not as a couple.
I told him early on that I had feelings for him, and he shot me down. He made it clear that he was straight. After that, my feelings for him only grew.
Now I really do believe that I am in love with him. I’ve had crushes and obsessions before, but none of them compares to this. He once sent me an e-mail saying that if he were gay, I would be his soul mate.
Recently, I told him that I was in love with him, and he told me that he isn’t into guys, but then he started talking about us buying a house together, going on vacation to Hawaii together, getting a car together, etc.
In the time we have lived together, he hasn’t had any romantic relationships with females.
My feelings for him are screwing up my life. I moved from a different state for him. I gave up my job, my school, the Marine Corps, my close friends and family for him.
I think I screwed up big-time. I have never been this infatuated with any guy, nor have I received so many mixed signals in which to fuel my infatuation.
Should I cut off all ties to him and go back home or what? — Anxious
Dear Anxious: This person’s behavior is extremely unethical and cruel; this reality seems to be dawning on you, and yes, it is long past time for you to go.
You did screw up big-time, but you’re young, and this is an opportunity for you to do things differently.
No one who loves you would ask you to give up so much in exchange for so little. Everything about this relationship is unbalanced, both his behavior and your responses.
I suggest packing your car and stealing off in the middle of the night, leaving no forwarding address, but if you’re not capable of that, confront him, exit from this relationship and get back on track with your life.
Be prepared for more nonsense from him as he attempts to manipulate you, but don’t believe it.
If you need further encouragement to leave, seek out the counsel of older, more romantically seasoned people, or see a counselor for help in coping with your romantic obsession.
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