Dear Amy: I live in a small town and am active in my church.
I learned that our church treasurer shares information with her husband regarding the amount of money members contribute to the church. He then on occasion has relayed some of this information to other people at the local coffee shop.
We have addressed this problem with both of them, and they agree it was a lapse in judgment. I, however, am still very uncomfortable with the situation. I have stopped writing checks and am now giving cash to my church.
Is there a way to contribute, keep a record for income tax filing and still keep this information private from the treasurer? — Wondering
Dear Wondering: You can check with your accountant or the IRS website: (search for “charitable donations”) for guidelines about receiving credit for donating to your church. According to my reading, if you are itemizing and taking any more than the standard deduction, you will need written confirmation of your donation — this means, of course, that someone will have to count your cash, attribute it to you and give you credit for it.
I agree with you that this casual coffee shop reporting of donations to your church is unethical, and it sounds as if your church community has taken the matter in hand and dealt with it.
Now that this issue has been addressed formally, you have the opportunity to confront it as a spiritual issue.
Can you forgive, forget and give your church treasurer a second chance? I hope so.
Dear Amy: Reading the letter from “Worried Fiance” gave me a chill! I could have written that very letter 13 years ago. I entered a relationship with an 18-year-old woman when I was 29. We had a beautiful friendship and could talk about many things.
Our relationship also stalled at the fiance level and stayed there for seven years. After she refused counseling, I went alone and realized that there was a much deeper problem.
It turned out that she did not want children, but I did.
She is now a successful executive who jet sets around without the baggage of a family.
I’m a happy father with two great kids and a wonderful soul mate. — Happy Dad
Dear Dad:
Congratulations to you for having the courage to search for answers — and to act definitively when you found them.
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