Dear Amy: My husband and I are trying to sell our house. We have selected an agent with much experience, as well as proven ability to bring interested homebuyers to the table.
Recently, an acquaintance became a newly minted real estate agent. She works as an agent in the same firm as our agent.
In several social situations, with mutual friends present, this woman has made faces at us. I’d describe them as “if looks could kill. . . .” She has made me uncomfortable and, of course, embarrassed.
I have, so far, said nothing and have remained poised and polite.
Was I wrong to not select this person to be our real estate agent? She is not a close friend, and in this difficult market, my husband and I wanted someone with proven experience and ability, as well as a professional rather than personal interest in us. — Nancy
Dear Nancy: Let’s review. You are reconsidering your choice to hire a real estate agent who behaves professionally over one who shoots darts at you at dinner parties? You are way too sensitive. In this challenging market, you’re going to have to develop a much tougher skin.
It’s important to remember that, over the course of what could be a very long process of selling your house, you will want to be represented by someone who reflects your values and can promote your property appropriately to prospective buyers.
Your real estate agent isn’t your friend or social competitor, but your business representative. Until this new agent can exert some control over her facial muscles, she’s going to have a hard time gaining traction in this very competitive market.
Dear Amy: I am in love with the most wonderful person in the world.
However, since our relationship has gotten serious, I have started to think about the last and only other serious relationship that I’ve been in.
When I think about my new girlfriend, I sometimes automatically think about my previous girlfriend. This only happens occasionally, but it happens at strange and inappropriate times. I was truthful about what was happening with my new girlfriend, and it really hurt her. My timing for this disclosure was terrible and it only made things worse.
We have since discussed this and have agreed that I really need to figure out what is going on and “get over the past” before we can seriously attempt to have a relationship. I truly care about my girlfriend, and I am more than willing to do whatever it takes to fix this problem.
It has been more than five years since that past relationship, and I honestly thought that I was completely over it, but apparently I was wrong.
I have been trying to understand why this is happening, but I am stuck. My past relationship did not end well. I feel badly about how it ended and about my behavior in regard to that relationship. But I think that I’ve learned from my actions then, and it has made me a better person. — Matt
Dear Matt: It is natural for some emotions left over from previous relationships to surface during a new relationship, but your mistake was to open this up for discussion before you had given yourself a chance to resolve things on your own.
You might actually be over this previous relationship, but even if you’re not, you shouldn’t panic when you think of your ex-girlfriend from time to time. If you feel you owe this previous girlfriend an apology for ending things badly, then seek her out to apologize.
If you choose to talk about this with your current girlfriend, you should ask for her input. If she doesn’t want to hear about your previous relationship, then respect her wishes.
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