Dear Amy: I am a teenage girl and the complete antithesis of the other girls at my school. Instead of being a guest at the party, I would rather be behind the scenes cooking/cleaning/serving.
My peers strike me as materialistic and frivolous, and I would rather go on a bike ride or spend time with my family than hang out with people at my school. If thrust into a social situation, I’d rather be with the adults.
I’m afraid I won’t develop the social skills necessary to be successful. How can I prove that, yes, I am sitting alone at lunch of my own choosing and am enjoying it? I’m on antidepressants because it controls some irritability issues I have. I used to see a therapist, but it was too expensive and the therapist proved ineffectual. — Unorthodox
Dear Unorthodox: If you enjoy sitting by yourself at lunch, then you shouldn’t have to prove it to anyone. That’s one of the pleasures of being “unorthodox” — it inoculates you from having to prove yourself.
What you neglect to recognize is that there are most likely other unorthodox students in your school, and while unorthodoxy doesn’t necessarily love company, it would serve you well to realize you are not alone.
I urge you to find a way to get involved either at school or in your community — not by joining the cheerleading squad, necessarily, but through student government, an environmental club or in some other organization where you might be useful. You will develop social skills by interacting with others in a supportive and interesting environment.
You should also examine your moods and habits to make sure you aren’t depressed. Explore this with your folks. There are therapists who specialize in working with young people; your local office of family and children’s services can offer a referral and talk with your family about an affordable fee structure.
Dear Amy: A cousin whom I only see during the holidays invited me to her wedding but not to her bridal shower (with 50 or more guests attending).
It didn’t bother me until, at a family gathering, I was informed by the bride’s mother that I was not invited to the shower because I was “too poor.” That comment stung. My fiance and I own a home, pay the bills on time and have never asked to borrow money. I thought I should send my cousin a nice gift with a note wishing her shower to be everything she hoped it would be.
My fiance thinks I was being ridiculous and should just laugh it off, seeing as this bridal shower appears to be about gifts anyway.
I see his point, but I can’t help but feel as though my pride is on the line.
Any suggestions? — Not Breaking the Bank
Dear Bank: Your instinct to answer this insult by providing a gift for a function to which you were not invited makes me want to tell you about (but not invite you to) my upcoming birthday party. I agree with your boyfriend that your reaction is ridiculous.
If you’re in the mood to spend some of your money, do it taking your boyfriend out for dinner. He sounds very sensible.
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