Dear Amy: I received a typed, anonymous letter marked “Private” in the mail today at my business.
It reads: “Your husband cheated on you. Or has been having an affair. I don’t know which.” How do you suggest I approach this topic with my husband? We have been together for 19 years.
I have a hard time believing he has been unfaithful. Of course I don’t want it to be true.
We are both very trusting of each other, and neither of us has jealous tendencies.
Any advice? — Worried Wife
Dear Worried: During your 19 years of marriage, there have no doubt been times when you’ve been tested and unsure about a course of action. I venture that you probably turned to your husband during those times.
You can turn to him now. You should start with an attitude of inquiry — not accusation. Your questions should start as open-ended and general (“Honey, what do you make of this?”), but then you might want to get specific, i.e. “Have you ever been or are you now in a relationship outside of our marriage?” Your husband might say he has no earthly idea what this anonymous letter is about. He may supply explanations or possible scenarios — for instance, someone might want to hurt him or you. If he provides an explanation and you believe it, then you should do what you can to move on.
If he turns on you, if his explanation doesn’t make sense or if that little voice in the back of your mind tells you that something isn’t right, then you should do what you can to get to the bottom of this.
Your husband shouldn’t be forced to prove his innocence based on an anonymous accusation, but for the sake of your peace of mind, it would be a good idea for him to try.
Dear Amy: I have purchased season tickets for the local professional hockey team from a former co-worker for the past four or five years. I worked with this person for nearly eight years and had a good relationship.
This year, when I called to inquire about tickets, she informed me that she already had sold them on Craigslist. I was upset because she did not offer to sell them to me first.
I would have paid her the asking price without complaint. I understand that they are her tickets and she can do what she wants with them, but I feel she was inconsiderate and rude not to at least offer them to me before selling them to a total stranger.
We are no longer speaking.
Who’s in the right? — Mad in Minnesota
Dear Mad: Neither of you is wrong or right.
One of you is making assumptions; the other is making a profit.
I agree with you that these tickets are your co-worker’s property but, yes, it would have been thoughtful of her to offer to sell them to you at the asking price. At least she could have notified you of the ad in Craigslist so you could have bid on them.
She probably has an explanation, and you should ask her for one. Then you can convey your surprise and disappointment and, I hope, resume your relationship.
If your relationship mainly revolved around this annual transaction, there may not be much left.
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