Dear Amy: Every year my wife’s two sisters and their families meet for Hanukkah and exchange gifts.
Two years ago, when we first went to this annual event, the host sister advised us in advance about this gift-giving tradition, so we showed up with presents for all. We did the same last year.
Now we would like to discontinue giving gifts to the adult children, who never give us gifts or thank us for the gifts they’ve received, but we feel uncomfortable about going there empty-handed. — Uncomfortable
Dear Uncomfortable: You could step down the material gift-giving to these ungrateful adult children by giving money (as your sister-in-law helpfully suggests) to a foundation or charity in their names. Of course, these nincompoops won’t thank you, but the charity will be very grateful. Otherwise, by all means arrive empty-handed for the younger adults.
The way to establish new practices is to train people the way you train toddlers — to be firm, friendly and unashamed.
Dear Amy: I’m a 20-year-old woman. I have a 2-year-old daughter. The love of my life is 19 years old. We are in a long-distance relationship and will soon meet in person.
Lately we have been arguing a lot, but we are dying to see each other. He doesn’t have kids but says he wants some. He is willing to move in with me. I want to know: Are we too young to get married, and what else can we do before tying the knot? — Samantha From Florida
Dear Samantha: You are not too young to get married, though you are too immature.
You seem to be living your life in a backward fashion — having children before marriage and then talking about marriage before you meet someone face to face. Let me present a more appropriate order of things: You meet someone in person. You spend a great deal of time talking and courting to see if you are a good match for each other. Once you determine that you are a good match, you commence the process of talking about marriage.
Under no circumstances should you even consider cohabiting with someone you don’t know in person, not with a young child in the home. Every decision you make must put your child first, because every mistake you make will have wide-ranging consequences for her.
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