Dear Amy: I’d like to share my new family tradition. Everyone in my family has so much! My parents are elderly, and my siblings are in their early 50s. We all have houses full of “stuff” and don’t know what to buy one another — and we don’t know what to request when someone asks for hints.
We decided to cut down on the stress and excess this year, and to do the following: We buy each person one gift, and make one donation to that person’s favorite charity.
I will feel so much better knowing that we’re contributing to the well-being of others instead of opening gifts consisting of knickknacks and other things that will never get used or worn. I know this approach may not work for everyone, but it’s a great way to continue to “give” at Christmas. — Christmas Elf
Dear Amy: You would be surprised how creative you can be to help others in need. And you do not need to spend a lot of money. Local food banks welcome a small donation of food, and some “gifts” can be a person’s time donated to an organization.
Some of the gifts that I have “received” over the years are donated tape players to a neonatal unit, a Thanksgiving meal to a local needy family, winter coats to a coat drive, a tree planted in my name and sandwiches for the homeless.
The possibilities are endless.
The giving benefits people who really are needy, rather than giving me another gift I do not need. — Happy Giver
Dear Amy: For years, my family of 20 — six siblings with spouses/partners, our mom and seven nephews — purchased gifts for everyone! There were at least 400 gifts under the tree.
We realized that this was not the real spirit of Christmas. Some could not afford to keep this up. Others didn’t like shopping, and the reality was that my many nephews really didn’t need more gifts, as their parents and Santa had already provided plenty.
We discussed pulling names from a hat, but we worried about “gift withdrawal.” We started with three draws: one just adults; one just the nephews; and one for everyone. So, each person received two gifts.
The Internet made it easy with , which allows you to set parameters so spouses don’t draw each other’s names and you don’t draw the same name as you had the previous year. — Name Draw
Dear Amy: I appreciate the ideas in your column about how to handle gift exchanges with family members.
We asked a few family members how they would feel about our sending a gift to UNICEF (of course, any other mutually agreeable charity would do fine) in their names.
They liked the suggestion so much that they wanted to take part and ask others, so we have all agreed to send a joint family gift to purchase something for children in poorer countries.
Because we’re all chipping in, we’ll be able to select a worthwhile project.
We have a lovely new holiday tradition! — Fortunate
Dear Amy: We’re blessed with enough, and with the economy, natural disasters and need in our world, sharing feels like a good “gift.” We learn more about our family and friends when we engage in conversations about what is important to them and where they’d like donations made.
Connections abound! — Patricia
Dear Amy: At this stage of our lives, we don’t need any more “stuff,” so I suggested to the families with whom we exchanged Christmas gifts that we stop the gift-giving and give what we would have spent to a food bank or other charity.
I got a good response, and now several food banks get extra Christmas checks and the spirit of the holiday is celebrated. — B. Butterfield
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
