Dear Amy: We have become best friends with our neighbors, and we spend quite a bit of time together. Unfortunately, they’re smokers. We’re not.
Recently, I was diagnosed with a chronic sinus infection and asthmalike symptoms that get worse when I’m around cigarette smoke.
My doctor told me to steer clear of any smoke or my symptoms will get worse. He also said that I will probably develop full- blown asthma if I don’t heed his advice.
When we visit our neighbors, they don’t smoke in the room where we’re hanging out. However, they will often go upstairs to light up.
Even when they aren’t smoking at all, there is still a ton of “haze” in the air, and the smell is intense. It still bothers me, and I feel crummy after spending even just an hour in their home.
Of course, we try to have them over as much as possible, but they are homebodies who like to have everyone visit in their home.
It’s much easier to deal with this in the summer because we spend most of our time outside.
Our friends seem to think that once my sinus infection clears up, I can resume spending lots of time in their home.
I’ve told them several times what the doctor told me, but they don’t seem to want to accept it. It seems they are starting to distance themselves from us. We’re hanging out less and less, and they seem a bit standoffish when we do spend time together.
How do we get them to understand, without ruining our friendship, that they are contributing to my health issues? — Wheezing Friend
Dear Wheezing: You have already explained your health problems to your friends, and they either don’t completely believe you or are letting their addiction make their choice for them.
Either way, their choice is unfortunate.
If you want to try to revive this friendship, you could tell them, once again, that your health situation is chronic. Explain that it is like having an allergy — and that it’s not personal.
Dear Amy: I work at a government office job. There are people from all over the world who work there. About two weeks ago, a very nice woman who works with me gave invitations to her wedding to everyone except me and a few others.
Then, she stopped me and told me that she didn’t think I would want to go, so she didn’t invite me, but she seemed to be inviting me during the conversation.
This woman is someone I dearly love from work, and I am very hurt that she didn’t invite me to her wedding.
She is from a different ethnic background, and all the people she did invite belong to her ethnic group.
Should I go to the wedding? I feel as if I was invited after the fact, just to be polite. — Wondering Worker
Dear Wondering: Your co-worker was not being polite by tossing off a maybe-invitation after the fact. In fact, she was being rude by reminding you that you weren’t invited in the first place. Though I’m not sure what role ethnicity plays in this wedding drama, you should not leap to any particular assumptions.
You should not attend the wedding unless you are certain that you have been invited. If you still have a question about this, broach this awkwardness by saying, “Honestly, I was surprised not to be on your invitation list and can’t tell if you’re inviting me now.” If your colleague issues a declarative invitation, then it is up to you to decide if you can (or want to) attend.
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