What, you were expecting predictable? This is the NFL circa 2008, bubba. Predictable left town a long time ago.
In August, today’s Jets-Dolphins game figured to have all the drama of a C-SPAN book recital. Instead, ex-Jet Chad Pennington, given up for dead after Brett Favre’s arrival, has a chance to play The Grinch Who Stole the Playoffs from his old team.
The Dolphins, your basic 1-15 punch line in 2007, would win the AFC East by beating the J-E-T-S at the Meadowlands. The Jets, if they win, would need the Patriots to lose at Buffalo to win the division.
So how will it play out? The Jets have beaten the Dolphins five straight times, and the Pats have beaten Buffalo 10 times in a row. In other words, who knows?
The Patriots could win and miss the playoffs. If so, they would join the 1985 Broncos as the only 11-5 teams not to qualify for the postseason. Wait, there’s more. If Arizona loses to Seattle and the Chargers beat the Broncos, two 8-8 teams would be among the playoff field.
Strange? Nah. In 2008, it’s more like business as usual.
Onward to Week 17, Football Nation.
St. Louis at Atlanta
11 a.m., Falcons by 14
Last meeting: Rams won 28-16 at St. Louis on Dec. 2, 2007.
Rams were hoping finale would be in Florida, where they could get early start on tee times. . . . Michael Turner, LaDainian Tomlinson’s old caddie, has 1,491 rushing yards, 477 more than L.T. . . . Rookie mistakes? What rookie mistakes? Matt Ryan has thrown nine INTs, less than half as many as Brett the Jet. . . . Falcons third in NFC in total offense after finishing in “Others receiving votes” last year.
Prediction: Falcons 24, Rams 13
Chicago at Houston
11 a.m., Texans by 3
Last meeting: Texans won 24-5 at Chicago on Dec. 19, 2004.
Texans’ hopes for winning season dashed with loss at Oakland. . . . Bears rallied vs. Packers to keep playoff hopes alive. . . . Numbers don’t add up for Tex’ns. They’re third in the league in yardage, 20th in scoring. It’s called bonehead mistakes, Santa. . . . Playoff team? Monsters of the Mediocre is more like it. Bears 13th in offense in NFC, 8th in D. So how are they in the hunt? They’re tied for NFL lead with 31 takeaways.
Prediction: Texans 27, Bears 19
Detroit at Green Bay
11 a.m., Packers by 10 1/2
Last meeting: Packers won 48-25 at Detroit on Sept. 14.
Just Lions’ luck. Here they need to win a game to avoid infamy and they’re playing at Green Bay, where they haven’t won since 1991. There was that one game, though, when they, like, tried. . . . Lions owner William Clay Ford says he hasn’t decided whether coach Rod Marinelli will stay or go. And you wonder why the auto industry is in the tank. . . . True, but strange: Packers haven’t won at Lambeau since November.
Prediction: Packers 30, Lions 10
N.Y. Giants at Minnesota
11 a.m., Vikings by 7
Last meeting: Vikings won 41-17 at the Meadowlands on Nov. 25, 2007.
G-men could resemble F Troop in this one after clinching home field throughout playoffs last week. . . . No, Fran Tarkenton isn’t starting at QB, but you get the picture. . . . Vikings looking to clinch NFC North after fumbling away game vs. Falcons. . . . Adrian Peterson could backpedal all afternoon and still win the rushing title. Dude has 1,657 yards, two country miles more than No. 2 Michael Turner.
Prediction: Vikings 23, Giants 13
Carolina at New Orleans
11 a.m., Panthers by 3
Last meeting: Panthers won 30-7 at Carolina on Oct. 19.
Running game? Not in N’Awlins, where Drew Brees needs 317 yards to reach rare 5,000-yard season. . . . Brees needs 300-yard day to match single-season record of 10 (Rich Gannon, ’02, before Raiders relocated to their parallel universe). . . . Only one gah-on-tee for this one: Jake Delhomme will get some Cajun cookin’ in his home state. . . . Saints bummin’ they missed the playoffs, but want to finish strong at home, where they’re 6-1.
Prediction: Saints 31, Panthers 23
Cleveland at Pittsburgh
11 a.m., Steelers by 11
Last meeting: Steelers won 10-6 at Cleveland on Sept. 14.
Bruce “The Big” Gradkowski will make first — and presumably last — career start for Bad News Browns. . . . Romeo Crennel says he can turn things around in Cleveland. Uh-huh. And palm trees are going to start growin’ on Lake Erie. . . . Romie 0-7 vs. Stillers. . . . Denver Broncos, meet the Pittsburgh One-Trick Ponies. Steelers first in the league in D, 23rd in offense.
Prediction: Steelers 13, Browns 3
New England at Buffalo
11 a.m., Patriots by 6
Last meeting: Patriots won 20-10 at New England on Nov. 9.
Pats could join ’85 Broncos as only NFL teams to finish 11-5 and miss the playoffs. . . . And they will finish 11-5, what with Counterfeit Bills on the docket. Coach Hoodie’s boys have beaten Buffalo 10 straight. . . . Bills 3-8 since 4-0 start vs. lousy teams. Last week’s dubya at Denver was their first vs. a team with a winning record.
Prediction: Patriots 27, Bills 9
Oakland at Tampa Bay
11 a.m., Buccaneers by 13
Last meeting: Raiders won 30-20 in Oakland on Sept. 26, 2004.
Last homie for longtime Bucs D coordinator Monte Kiffin, off to join his son at Rocky Top. . . . Bucs, once sitting pretty in playoff picture, have lost three straight. Tampa in past two at home has allowed 299 rushing yards to Panthers and 41 points to Chargers. . . . Raiduhs coach Tom Cable says he wants interim tag dropped from title. Um, Tom, everyone but Al’s hairdresser is interim.
Predicton: Buccaneers 34, Raiders 0
Tennessee at Indianapolis
11 a.m., Titans by 3
Last meeting: Titans won 31-21 at Tennessee on Oct. 27.
Titans can mail it in here after manning up to beat Steelers, clinching home field in the playoffs. . . . Colts, an accident waiting to happen in October, seeking ninth straight win. . . . Peyton Cut That Meat in eight-game W streak: 16 TDs, 3 INTs. Any more questions, MVP voters?
Prediction: Colts 29, Titans 12
Kansas City at Cincinnati
11 a.m., Bengals by 3
Last meeting: Chiefs won 27-20 at Kansas City on Oct. 14, 2007.
Donovan McNabb still trying to figure out how these two could be a combined 5-24-1. . . . Bengals owner Mike Brown said recently that, in some ways, Marvin Lewis has done a bangup job. Really?
Prediction: Bengals 23, Chiefs 19
Dallas at Philadelphia
2:15 p.m., Eagles by 1 1/2
Last meeting: Cowboys won 41-37 at Dallas on Sept. 15.
Cowboys can clinch playoff berth with a W. . . . Tony Romo has completed 74 balls to his favorite receiver, TE Jason Witten. Yo, T.O., did we mention Witten is Romo’s favorite receiver? . . . Warm-and-fuzzy Philly media speculating about Andy Reid’s job status. . . . Jerry Jones says Wade Phillips can walk home if Cowboys blow this one.
Prediction: Cowboys 27, Eagles 24
Jacksonville at Baltimore
2:15 p.m., Ravens by 11
Last meeting: Jaguars won 30-3 at Jacksonville on Nov. 13, 2005.
Ravens, playoff wannabes in ’07, can clinch postseason berth with a dubya. . . . Baltimore has won eight outta 10. Rookie QB Joe Flacco in those 10: 13 TDs, 5 INTs. . . . Ed Reed, Canton Class of 2020 or thereabouts, has six INTs in past five games. . . . With a loss, Jaguars would reverse last year’s 11-5 record.
Prediction: Ravens 27, Jaguars 13
Miami at N.Y. Jets
2:15 p.m., Jets by 3
Last meeting: Jets won 20-14 at Miami on Sept. 7.
Brett the Jet says this could be his final NFL game. Then again, it may not be. Then again, we don’t really care that much anymore, do we? . . . When it snows, it pours: Soon after getting nailed with reefer rap, New Yawk DE Shaun Ellis fined 10 grand for tossing snow at fans in Seattle.
Prediction: Dolphins 20, Jets 19
Seattle at Arizona
2:15 p.m., Cardinals by 7
Last meeting: Cardinals won 26-20 at Seattle on Nov. 16.
Final game as Seahawks coach for Mike Holmgren, who’ll hand off to Jim Mora. . . . House of Cards haven’t moved a muscle since clinching division a coupla weeks ago, but maybe they’ll show up here.
Prediction: Cardinals 31, Seahawks 22
Washington at San Francisco
2:15 p.m., Niners by 3
Last meeting: Redskins won 52-17 at Washington on Oct. 23, 2005.
Team with politically incorrect nickname thrilled to be going cross-country with no playoff implications on the line. . . . Niner-Niners TB Frank Gore needs 22 yards to reach 1,000 in injury-filled year. . . . Clinton Portis, headed to Hawaii for second time, needs 93 yards for first 1,500-yard season since leaving Broncos.
Prediction: 49ers 20, Redskins 16
