Dear Amy: My boyfriend of two years and I have been living together for four months. I uprooted my life and moved 2,000 miles to be with him.
Whenever I need to talk to him about something affecting our relationship, he gives me the cold shoulder that lasts for days.
Sometimes he can be very hurtful. He always blames it on me and tells me I take everything the wrong way. I am really in love with this man, and I gave up my home, friends and a great job to be with him. I am not sure how committed he is to me, and I wonder if I am wasting my time on a man who is just not capable of appreciating or loving anything.
He always tells me there is a possibility that he might be with another woman. He likens it to the odds of an asteroid hitting Earth — not probable but possible. This just doesn’t seem like what a committed boyfriend should tell me. He even went as far recently as to tell me, “Under certain circumstances, I could be with another woman.” I got really upset and asked him to explain the comment. He shut me out and gave me the cold shoulder for days.
Is he really not into me? He is a 56-year-old man and has never been married.
He makes me feel so insignificant in his life and tells me that I should know how he feels about me because he let me move in with him.
Should I walk away? — Committed
Dear Committed: Based on his behavior, I would venture that your 56-year-old guy isn’t interested in changing. You should face the reality of the situation you’re in. You’re with someone who has a radically different view of what a committed relationship should be like. I hope it’s not too late to get your old life back.
Dear Amy: How can you tell your mom you are afraid to eat at her house? My sister and I are both married. We have nice houses. We’re good cooks. Mom insists on cooking Christmas dinner every year. We’ve offered to host at our houses. She won’t hear anything of it.
None of us likes to eat at her house because it is filthy! It truly disgusts all of us to the point that we have started bringing food that we know is safe to eat.
The floor has piles of dust, dog hair and dirt. We joke about having to check things for expiration dates before setting them out. It’s not uncommon to find things years out of date.
Mom and Dad have a host of health issues, and most of their health problems we think are related to their house. How do we politely address the fact that we’re afraid to eat anything served in their house? — Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: It should be obvious to you that your parents are overwhelmed, and rather than fretting and joking about the cleanliness of their home and your own safety, you and your siblings should get some help for them quickly. Tell your mom you are worried that it’s hard for them to keep up with the housework, so you’re going to help out.
You and your sister can have a “work day” in which you do the heavy cleaning. Once the house is in better shape, your folks might be open to having someone come in and help with chores once or twice a week, and you should set them up with a reliable and competent person.
Check with your local office on aging for referrals to agencies or individuals who provide caregiving for people with health problems.
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