Dear Margo: My family is at their wits’ end with a major upset, courtesy of my grandparents. They have decided to leave everything (down to the dust on the floor) to their church, where my uncle is the pastor. My family is not upset about the money (there really isn’t that much). It is more the personal items that have sentimental value. We cannot be 100 percent certain, but we think that my uncle had this planned all along and was just waiting for the right time to manipulate my grandparents. He will receive it all, and he has power of attorney, as well as being the executer. He has yet to face the family and explain why he felt the need to have it all, and my grandparents are so convinced this is the right thing to do that they can’t see how this is tearing everyone up.
My mother is a wreck, as her parents have left her nothing to remember them by. She was promised personal trinkets (worth nothing to anyone else, but worth the world to her because of the memories). I am only a granddaughter, but I was promised my grandmother’s button collection, which will probably be sold at an estate sale for a few bucks. My grandparents refuse to discuss it. I live out of state and am hearing everything by phone, but I’m trying hard to keep it together for my mom. She is not angry but hurt. Is there a way we can still receive these items? Is it wrong to pursue this? Is it wrong to ask for some small mementos? — Longing for Buttons
Dear Long: In some situations, not all the children pay attention to elderly parents, so the attentive one is favored in the will. I don’t get the idea this is the case in your family. Whether or not your clergyman uncle made it his project to inherit everything we do not know. In addition, you don’t say whether or not your grandparents are of sound mind. Because the old folks are not interested in discussing this, my only suggestion would be to ask your uncle, when there is an actual estate to be divided, if he’d consider letting various family have mementos that were promised. Perhaps he could be reminded of the Good Book’s dictum that it’s better to give than to receive. — Margo, benevolently
When there are second chances
Dear Margo: I am a recovering heroin addict. I am going on my first month of being clean. I go to treatment daily and am actually starting to see the light at the end of my tunnel. I was always told of my potential for greatness in my life, and told a million times that I will be something huge. It’s hard to imagine these words becoming reality. I’ve been numbing my emotional baggage for years. Now there’s no numbing going on and I’m starting to feel like the old me again. Any advice or words of encouragement for a struggling yet determined-to-succeed individual on the brink of destiny or solitude? — G-man
Dear G: I would think success for you, short term, is to stay sober and straight. Maybe your destiny is to clean up and live a righteous life, perhaps helping others. Your being told that you were capable of great things perhaps loaded you down with other people’s expectations, always a heavy burden. I predict that when you’re in the groove of sobriety the path you should take will become clearer. I greatly admire your taking this particular bull by the horns. It is a hard slog, I am told, but well worth it. Good luck. — Margo, reassuringly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
