Dear Amy: I was recently married, and my mother-in-law has welcomed me into the family.
The problem is, when we’re at her house and she wants something, she issues an order: “Jane! Come in here and sit down!” She issues these orders usually for minor things such as helping in the kitchen, and my husband and his siblings are unfazed by it.
We are all adults, but she seems to think we’re all children. In my family, we treat adults like adults, and we make polite requests using “please” and “thank you.” My husband thinks I should let it go because we only see her once or twice a year and because this is simply the way his family operates. Is there a polite way to address this? — Miffed by MIL
Dear Miffed: I have a quibble with your idea that children can be commanded without a polite “please” and “thank you,” while adults should be spoken to with respect.
There isn’t really a polite way for you to correct this directly, though your husband could try by saying a version of, “Mom, would it kill you to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ once in a while?” I understand your impulse to play deaf when you are ordered around, but that won’t do much to change your mother- in-law’s behavior and may convince her that you have a hearing or attention deficit.
I vote for tolerance on your part, at least until you get to know her better.
Dear Amy: I am responding to “Concerned Congregant,” whose new rabbi disclosed his congregation’s medical issues to others.
I am a member of the clergy, and some time ago I attended a chaplains’ meeting at the local hospital. The guest speaker, a nun from a nearby hospital, said the clergy should not announce from the pulpit who is sick or recuperating from illness or surgery until the family signs a permission slip to allow it. This is a result of the HIPAA medical privacy law.
Though I agree that this rabbi went too far, I do not agree with this aspect of the law. It undermines the spiritual life of a congregation. — Concerned Clergyman
Dear Concerned: I don’t know how disclosing private medical information enhances a congregation’s spiritual life; surely clergy could ask for prayers without being specific.
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