Dear Amy: I’m a 23-year-old college senior and the first one in my family to attend a university. My younger brother is 9.
I was looking forward to coming home for the holidays, but when I got there, I found myself stuck in the middle with even more stress in my life.
My father verbally abuses my mom and other family members. Sometimes I want to stand up to my dad, speak my mind and tell him off.
While I was home, I went to the movies with my brother. While we were gone, my father threw a glass near my mom out of anger. I came back and my mom told me what had happened. I love my mother so much and I hate to see her suffer and cry. I hate even more that I cannot tell her that things are going to be OK.
I feel like the rest of my family is waiting for me to stand up to my dad and force him to change. I’m stuck in the middle, trying to defend my mother, wondering if I can stand up to my dad, and trying to focus on school.
What can I do for my mom, father, little brother and the rest of my family? — Stuck in the Middle
Dear Stuck: You seem to feel that you might be able to force your father to change. You can’t. Confronting him probably wouldn’t be effective, and it might be dangerous.
Instead, you should do what you can to bolster and emotionally support your mother and young brother.
If your mother has family or friends who can assist her, you should encourage her to reach out to them. Beyond that, she should do whatever possible to support herself and your brother so they can succeed on their own, if it comes to that.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 800-799-7233. Make sure she has it on hand. A phone counselor will help her.
Your job now is to get your degree and step into your own adulthood. Then you can continue to be an involved son and brother, offering a great example and physical and material support, if necessary. Your success in life is the best way you can stand up to your father.
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