Dear Amy: I made a commitment to send my daughter on a Caribbean cruise for her 21st birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to ask whoever she is going to invite on this cruise to pony up some money toward the trip costs? Her happiness is more important than my wallet, so whatever answer you have for me, I will trust it and do as you advise. — Devoted Dad
Dear Dad: You sound like a very soft touch. I can only assume your daughter is deserving and appropriately grateful for your extravagances.
Before I succumb to the temptation to hit you up for a personal bailout, I’ll weigh in to say that if you promised your daughter a cruise and still feel able and inclined to grant her this gift, then you might want to offer to help defray the cost for one other person, so your princess won’t have to go on her birthday cruise solo.
You should draw the line at paying for more guests than that.
I also have to ask why you would choose to celebrate your daughter’s big birthday by sending her away from her family — the very people who gave her life. Have you considered making this a family event?
Dear Amy: My mom (85 years old) and I are writing for a response from you and your other readers about something we have observed three times now.
Several elderly widows whose husbands have died after a long illness have continued to keep their husband’s voice on their telephone answering machines.
One widow has since passed away, but she kept the same recorded message from her deceased husband for years. Two more of my mother’s friends are doing the same thing.
When the answering machine answers, you hear an outgoing message delivered by the widow’s dead husband.
Needless to say, this is very disconcerting. Can you or any of your readers shed light on the reasoning behind these actions? Does hearing the voice on the machine when screening calls offer some form of solace? Maybe you can come up with an explanation. — Bob
Dear Bob: You say you have brought this topic up with the women in question, but you don’t mention how they responded.
I can think of two explanations — either hearing their husband’s voice from time to time brings solace, or they can’t quite figure out how to rerecord an outgoing message (I would join them in this frustration).
Perhaps readers can supply other reasons.
Dear Amy: I am responding to the letter from “Still Grieving,” the man who has yet to recover from his brother’s death 20 years ago.
He desperately needs grief counseling. No matter how much you love someone, 20 years is too long to be overwhelmed with grief.
My family suffered a terrible tragedy some years ago, after which we found a grief counselor to be invaluable. Inside of an hour, she had them talking, crying, even laughing a bit as they remembered those we had lost.
That visit, which lasted several hours, was the start of the healing process. I seriously doubt we could have reached that point without her help.I hope the man who wrote you can find similar peace in this way. — Grateful
Dear Grateful: I agree with you that grief counselors can help people immeasurably — no matter how much time has passed.
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