Dear Amy: My cousin, who unloaded a rant on me years ago, has never explained, apologized or even acknowledged that she did anything inappropriate.
I am civil to her when I see her at family functions, but I do not feel safe around people like her who use me as a dumping ground and expect me to remain friends.
Now, my cousin has e-mailed a Facebook “friends” request. I would not mind working with her to repair our relationship, and maybe this is her attempt to re-establish what was once a good relationship, but I do not think Facebook is the place to engage in that process.My cousin has not reached out to me in years.
I would feel rude just ignoring the request, but I would feel uncomfortable sending her a message through Facebook, which would open up my Facebook page to her temporarily. — Friendless On Facebook
Dear Friendless: Based on the tone of your letter, I think it’s entirely possible that your cousin is completely unaware that her rant of all those years ago has affected you so deeply.
(For people who don’t know, Facebook is an Internet social-networking site where people can invite a large group of “friends” to interact online.) Your cousin has probably contacted dozens, if not hundreds of people, asking them to be her Facebook “friends.” Based on your distant relationship so far, you could probably ignore it and she wouldn’t notice.
However, I think you should seriously consider being her Facebook friend. I disagree with you that Facebook is not the place to repair your relationship. In fact, this might be the perfect venue to establish contact. It could grow into something more substantial.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to “Anxious Girlfriend,” whose boyfriend of eight months was laid off and had not yet galvanized his job search, despite her prodding. The person who should run from this relationship is the boyfriend! This woman’s insistence that he get moving and her thoughts of leaving him if he does not shows how she will likely respond to any crisis in their life: “Don’t grieve, don’t reflect, fix! Fix!” Anxious Girlfriend sounds like a monkey on his back. — Believes in Breathing
Dear Believes: I agree that “Anxious Girlfriend” seemed overly focused on fixing her boyfriend’s problem. With time, he will either solve his own unemployment issue, or not. His efforts reflect his character, not hers.
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