Dear Amy: An ex-boyfriend of mine is going through an incredibly difficult rough patch.
His family invested heavily in the construction of a new house. Unfortunately, their dreams came crumbling down with the economic downfall, and now they’re struggling to avoid bankruptcy.
My friend seems to think that he is responsible for his folks. He is throwing all of his mental and physical energy into the situation, single-handedly trying to alleviate their financial, marital, familial and health problems — in addition to finishing his senior thesis and last semester at college.
Needless to say, he’s been so stressed and unhappy lately that he’s even come to me, the ex-girlfriend, for emotional support.
Amy, is there anything I can do or say to help? — Fretful
Dear Fretful: Your friend sounds overwhelmed, and he is wisely reaching out for help.
So offer it.
He can’t solve his parents’ problems and you can’t completely lift his burden. But emotional support is worth its weight in tears, so offer it freely and without expectation. Listen attentively and ask questions.
One question your friend will have to answer for himself is, “What can I realistically do to help?” He might find that the best way he can help his folks is to do well in school, graduate and take good care of himself.
For most parents, our own burden is lifted considerably if we think our kids are happy and doing well.
If your friend seems overwhelmed to the point where it is affecting his ability to function well in his own daily life, he should see the mental health counselor at school.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
