Dear Margo: I recently divorced my husband after 14 years. He cheated on me practically the entire time, but I continued to forgive and look beyond his faults. Well, the woman he is with now has been with him for the past eight years. He was cheating on me with her, and no amount of explaining to her that he wasn’t being faithful to her, either, made any difference. There were other women who came forward.
She has been planning on marrying him for about two years. Our divorce was almost final when he decided he wanted to spend some private time with me. That “private time” has occurred four times already … twice before our divorce and twice after. The “bride-to-be” has no clue that “the groom” and I are sleeping together and thinks he is being faithful to her. I am glad I divorced him, because this proves to me that he will never be faithful. Am I wrong to do what I am doing? It is only a short-term thing, but it feels so good to know I’ve still got it in the bedroom. I am not one to play tit for tat, but I couldn’t pass this opportunity up. — Ultimate Revenge
Dear Ul: If it’s OK with you, it’s OK with me. I have no problem with what you’re doing, even if your successor is the motivating factor. For whatever reason, many couples wind up in bed while they are either separated or divorced. Somehow, a husband on his way to being an ex- doesn’t seem to count. I have no idea what this is about, but do know that you are not alone. It is a fitting end that this lout can finally boost your self-esteem. — Margo, agreeably
Life Is What Happens When You’re Making Other Plans
Dear Margo: I am a 23-year-old full-time student who lives at home and contributes to the household by cooking, cleaning and babysitting in lieu of rent. I live with my mother, little brother and grandparents. I recently came to terms with my homosexuality and decided to tell my close friends and my mother. Thankfully, everyone I’ve told is supportive, but I have resisted telling my grandparents because they are highly religious — and homophobic.
On the night of my first date with a very nice, educated woman, my grandmother asked where I was going on my way out. I told her I was going to dinner with a friend, which wasn’t entirely untrue. My mother piped up and said, “She’s gay and dating a woman.” I was horrified. My grandmother began a huge rant and refuses to even look at me now. She is going through my things and invading my privacy. Needless to say, my date went badly due to emotional distress. I feel great resentment toward my mom. Her response is, “Your grandmother will get over it eventually.” I need to know: Am I justified in feeling resentful toward my mom and anger with my grandmother for invading my privacy, or is this my fault for not coming out to everyone in the first place? — Forced Out
Dear Force: I’m with you. This was not your mother’s news to disclose. It should be up to the person as to when and whom to tell. I think your mother was out of line, and your grandmother is, as well. (I’m not sure what she expects to find going through your things.) Given the situation, inform your mother it is her job to see that “your grandmother will get over it eventually,” certainly not a slam-dunk given that she is older, religious and homophobic. If it’s impossible to stay in the house, try to make other living arrangements. — Margo, regretfully
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
