Dear Amy: I’m a 24-year-old, well-educated woman with a good job and a wonderful family. I’m also lucky to have a loving, supportive girlfriend. She and I have been together for three years.
My immediate family loves my girlfriend and accepts her as part of our family.
Here’s the pickle: My sister is getting married this summer.
My extended family will be coming to the wedding, and they don’t know that I’m a lesbian and have a girlfriend. They are all conservative Christians who are vocally and virulently opposed to homosexuality. Despite this, we generally get along very well.
Except for that group, my girlfriend and I are entirely “out” in both our private and professional lives.
Neither of us is thrilled about the prospect of spending such a happy day getting hateful vibes. My girlfriend is OK with not coming to the wedding, but I don’t want to exclude her on this day.
We also don’t want to detract the attention from my sister on her big day. Even if we told my relatives now (which I’m reluctant to do), they wouldn’t have a chance to meet my girlfriend until the wedding day.
If I don’t bring her as my date, can my family still invite her as a guest? I know there’s a chance my family will catch on, especially as the night (and drinking) wears on. — Worried Girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend: You might be overthinking this.
Bring your girlfriend with you. If you don’t want to explain yourself to people you know would hurt you, then don’t.
When you introduce your girlfriend to your clan, you say, “This is Charlene Smith.” It would be highly improbable (not to mention rude) for a family member under these circumstances to look at you two and say, “Good Lord, Marianne, are you one of those lesbians I heard about on the Lifetime Channel?” But in the event this happens, you could say, “Why yes, Uncle Buddy, I am.” What happens next is not your responsibility or in your control.
What I am suggesting is that you be relaxed, confident and very much yourself. Most of us don’t have to volunteer details about our sexuality if we don’t want to, and you shouldn’t have to either.
Dear Amy: I work for a large university, and in a recent meeting we were told our department is being considered for elimination within six months because of a budget crisis.
There is a high likelihood that my position won’t be renewed, as I’m the newest hire. I’m also unhappy with my job, because even though my understanding was that I would handle projects on my own, my boss has turned me into her assistant. I put dates in her calendar, arrange meetings for her and — worst of all — she asks me to pick up her documents off the printer instead of picking them up herself.
In my recent three-month review I told her my concerns; she said that I was very valuable and should transition to more project management soon, but so far it hasn’t happened.
Should I sit my boss down again and explain my frustration or just go with the flow and do the tasks given to me with a smile and enjoy the job while I have it? — Discouraged
Dear Discouraged: Given your situation, you should continue to try to improve your professional standing. Spend your time between trips to the printer not only trying to become invaluable in your current department but also combing the university’s database for other, better jobs.
This institution may have a hiring freeze, but you might be able to take your skill set into another, more secure department or program in a lateral move.
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