Dear Amy: I am so irritated with my friend “Sheila’s” parenting skills. She has two boys and one girl. There have been times when her older son will come up to her daughter and smack her.
My friend will yell at her son and tell him to go home. The son will leave, but then comes back a couple of minutes later like nothing ever happened. In other words, my friend does not follow through with her kids.
The other day this happened again, and as a result her daughter acted out and started being destructive. In the meantime, my kids got scared and started hovering near me.
Sheila then started to tell me how horrible her little girl is and how she is her “worst” child, right in front of her daughter.
I believe the daughter is acting out because she needs to get back at her mom for not protecting her.
Should I say something to this mom or just get away from this dysfunctional family? Our girls are good friends, and I like and feel sorry for these kids.
Is there anything I can do? — Fellow Mom
Dear Mom: Offering unsolicited parenting advice is often a dicey proposition. Wise parents emulate other parents whose children are well behaved and respectful, and will ask another parent for help or advice. Teachers are also an excellent source for help.
Your friend doesn’t seem to be asking for help, but when incidents happen in your presence, you should take the opportunity to raise the issue with her.
Your first duty, however, is to your own children. If these other kids behave in a way that frightens them, you should limit their exposure.
Dear Amy: I have three grandchildren, ages 13, 9 and 7. I wrote each of them an e-mail, asking them various questions and telling them their grandmother and I love them.
After several days, I didn’t hear any response, so I e-mailed my daughter-in-law asking if the kids had received my messages.
She replied that one child doesn’t have an e-mail address, and the others don’t check their e-mail. I asked her to pass my messages along.
More time went by with no response, so I e-mailed back and said I was very disappointed in them. I said I felt their lack of a reply was disrespectful.
My daughter-in-law said she was very busy and that the kids simply don’t use e-mail. Amy, I’m not blaming the kids, but I feel that their mom should convey the contents of these communications with the children and ask them to respond, any way they wish. Your views? — Upset Granddad
Dear Upset: I agree that a parent should make sure the children receive your messages and respond — but I disagree with your choice to beat this to death via e-mail with your daughter-in-law.
Pick up the phone. Pay a visit. Focus on getting to know your grandchildren in person, if possible. Once you form a solid connection with them, it will be easier for you to establish a way to communicate.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to the question of why a widow would leave her husband’s voice on her answering machine.
When my husband passed away, I did not want any random callers to assume there was no man in the house, so I left my husband’s voice on the machine.
When that didn’t seem right anymore, I let the preprogrammed man’s voice leave a message. Now I am confident enough to use my own voice to announce the message. — Ruth
Dear Ruth: I’m happy your confidence and voice have returned.
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