Dear Amy: I have been in a relationship with someone I love for almost a year.
It wasn’t easy to get into a relationship after my partner of 12 years died two years ago — but I surprised even myself.
About six months ago, my newest partner decided she needed to leave because she needed to feel “better” about herself. It broke my heart. After some convincing on my part, she came back after a month.
We have been very happy and even started making plans to purchase a house and, maybe at some point, get married. Recently, after a wonderful and romantic weekend with beautiful cards exchanged and toasts made, she up and left again. Instead of telling me face to face or leaving a note, I got an e-mail, saying she was breaking up with me. I still love her very much and think she needs to get medical help of some kind, but, should I just write her off and out of my life for good? — Confused in New Hampshire
Dear Confused: Unless there is much more to this story than you relate, your girlfriend does not necessarily need medical help. It sounds to me like she needs some simple lessons in how to be a decent human being.
You held this relationship together when you persuaded her to come back once, and she complied. But the most vexing aspect of relationships is this: No one knows how to make love stay. Do not contact your ex or attempt to persuade her to come back. If you do, you two will repeat this dance until you’ve had enough.
Dear Amy: My sister is expecting her second baby. Her first child is 5. Recently, one of my sister’s friends asked me when I was planning the baby shower and what she could do.
I have no doubt that my sister’s friend is acting out of the best intentions. Here is the problem: I have always understood that a baby shower traditionally is thrown for a first child.
Am I just old-fashioned? Are baby showers for second babies now acceptable? I would hate to participate in something that could be perceived as tacky. — Sister in Seattle
Dear Sister: Though baby showers for second (and subsequent) babies were once considered tacky, these events are becoming more commonplace. You could ask your sister whether she would like to have a party in honor of this baby. If so, participants could be encouraged to bring baby clothes, equipment and diapers that you would then donate to a shelter or organization serving new mothers. I think this is a great way to spread the joy around.
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