How to Raise Mom & Dad: Instructions from Someone Who Figured it Out, by Josh Lerman, illustrated by Greg Clarke, $16.99 In the bossy, expert voice of a big sister enlightening a little brother, author Lerman (father of two) offers instructions on modifying one’s parents.
Her advice includes discouraging Mom from making the bed (“because it’s just going to get messed up later”), helping Mom and Dad dress (like a pirate!) and always picking “the hardest, most complicated” homework projects to challenge your parents’ skills.
Other helpful tips: Always request a glass of water to postpone bedtime “even if you’re not that thirsty or could get it yourself,” and call Mom and Dad back to your room to banish bad dreams and monsters, and to ask them again about getting a puppy. As if any child needs help with this sort of thing. Ages 6 to 8.
“How to Get Married by Me, the Bride,” by Sally Lloyd-Jones and Sue Heap, $18.99. What’s this doing in the children’s section instead of taking its rightful place alongside “The Rules” and “He’s Just Not That Into You”?
The assertive narrator is quite broad-minded: “You can marry your best friend, or your teacher, or your pet, or your daddy. (And sometimes you can marry a flower.)” The only constraint: “They need to like you back.”
There’s warning advice (don’t get married when it’s dark; “You won’t be able to see, and you might marry the wrong person”), and how-to instructions: Remember to include important information (“There will be candy”) on the wedding invitations. And don’t forget to say goodbye to your guests before grabbing your daddy’s hand and skipping all the way home. Ages 6-8, plus brides-to-be of any age.
Blueberry Girl, by Neil Gaiman, illustrated by Charles Ness, $17.99. This lyrical poem by the preternaturally prolific Neil Gaiman is a perfect book for parents and expectant parents. It’s a sly, affectionate prayer to the Fates, appealing to protect a daughter from “spindles and sleeps at 16 . . . nightmares at 3 or bad husbands at 30 . . . dull days at 40 or false friends at 15.” The exuberant illustrations are lovely. All ages.
The Bromeliad Trilogy, by Terry Pratchett, $17.99. Collected into one big book that would provide terrific read-aloud material for a long car trip, this epic trilogy follows some very tiny beings at odds with a familiar world children will recognize.
Follow the funny, surprising and absorbing journey from a hardscrabble life to outer space. Pratchett’s word play is unparalleled. Ages 9 to 12.
The Little Big Book for Dads, edited by Lena Tabori and H. Clark Wakabayashi, $24.95. This is a mixed blessing. It’s too fat to easily hold in one hand to read aloud while cuddling a child with the other arm, and it borders on being scrapbook-y cute in a way that many dads won’t like.
But it’s got the classic nursery rhymes and the building blocks for classic fairy tales and legends, plus wallet-friendly seasonal activities. Dad’s interest in the Colored Snow suggestion (Page 300) might outlast the children’s. All ages.
Because Your Daddy Loves You, by Andrew Clements, illustrated by R.W. Alley, $6.99. This lyrical picture book from the author most famous for his middle-reader novel, “Frindle,” celebrates the small but important ways a father shows his unconditional love.
“When you wake up from a bad dream and you call out, ‘Daddy,’ your daddy could say, ‘Shh! Just go back to sleep.’ But he doesn’t. He comes to your room right away and sits beside you until you fall asleep again.”
And while individual Daddy mileage may vary — your dad may expect you to tote your share of stuff back into the house after a trip — the bond between fathers and children is universal. Ages 3 and up.
Claire Martin: 303-954-1477, cmartin@denverpost.com
