Dear Amy: What should I do about parents who suggest an outing, then bow out at the last minute, leaving my husband and me with their kids?
This has happened to us twice recently, once at the movies. This child was sent without any money to pay his way, and we treated him.
We stopped being leaders in Boy Scouts for this very reason: parents who treated us not like friends or volunteers, but employees. — Annoyed
Dear Annoyed: Parents who work with children as Scout leaders or other volunteer teachers sometimes find that other parents don’t understand or respect their roles and instead treat them as drop-off babysitting services. Every parent gets burned occasionally, but if you and your husband are experiencing this repeatedly, you should assume that you aren’t adequately communicating your own expectations and boundaries.
If you and your child are invited on an outing, you should clarify to the parents what the expectation is. You say, “I just want to make sure — you and/or your husband will also be participating? If so, we’d love to.” If you, your husband and child are standing in line at the movie theater to join another family and the parent sees this as a last minute “drop-off” and you don’t want to have their child join your family, you’ll just have to muster the strength to say, “I’m so sorry you can’t stay. We’ll invite Benji along to join us another time.”
Dear Amy: Regarding a recent column where you stated that parents who smoked pot posed a threat to their children, could you explain what the dangers to children are of living with a parent who smokes pot, especially if the parents do not believe it is an issue? — Wondering
Dear Wondering: In the original letter, a parent wrote to say that her child’s best friend’s father “tuned out” with pot, alcohol and other substances. It’s a no-brainer to say that a parent who chooses to “tune out” at home with a mood-altering substance poses a threat to the well-being of a child.
All parents have their own interests and distractions, but a person who is drunk or high simply can’t be counted on to respond appropriately. I wouldn’t want my boss to be drunk or high on the job — and parenting is a very challenging job requiring supervision, quick thinking and improvisation.
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