Dear Amy: I am a 43-year-old man with a 13-year-old daughter from my first marriage.
For the past three weeks my daughter has lived with me pending the outcome of an investigation in which she has accused her stepfather of sexual abuse. I expect to be granted full custody.
I have been divorced from her mother since 2001 and have been remarried for five years to a great woman who has a 21-year-old daughter. My daughter and wife have always gotten along well, and my wife seemed to adore her.
But my wife has given her a very cold reception and accused her of lying about the sexual assault. My wife and I have been arguing terribly.
Now my daughter says she knows she is not wanted and has repeatedly asked to live with her grandparents.
My wife says I knew she didn’t want any more kids and wasn’t prepared to raise someone else’s child. I told her I am doing what any father would do. My wife hasn’t spoken to my daughter in over a week.
Should we try to stay together? — Somewhere in Virginia
Dear Somewhere: Your family needs professional intervention immediately. There is a possibility that you and your wife could work this out, but given her extreme behavior and complete selfishness regarding your daughter, I have doubts.
There aren’t three sides to this story — there is only one, and that is the story of a child struggling and the adults who must try to help her. I give you credit for working so hard to do the right thing.
Unfortunately, the atmosphere in your own home is toxic. In my view, your daughter should stay with her grandparents for now or your wife should leave the home, temporarily. You should not have your girl in the home as long as your wife is hostile, accusatory and neglectful.
Your daughter should receive individual counseling and you and your wife should go together.
Dear Amy: I am trying to teach my children good manners. When we walk into a building and there is an elderly woman going in or out, I always tell my children, “Let’s hold the door for this young lady.” I do it with a smile and I usually get a smile back.
But since you seem to feel that I am being patronizing for using the term “young lady,” I would like to have a polite/kind general term for an elderly woman. — Denise
Dear Denise: I love that you are teaching your children good manners. Because you asked, you’re welcome to refer to me as a “woman,” “lady” or “person.”
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