BAR: TAVERN UPTOWN
Tavern Uptown is one of Frank Schultz’s upscale watering holes — an operation that includes four other Taverns, the Soiled Dove Underground and Cowboy Lounge. Uptown, at 538 E. 17th Ave., is a big joint. On game days, the place is filled with guys watching every game imaginable. In the main bar, a fireplace warms up chilled beer drinkers. A pool room sits off to the west, and a huge patio welcomes smokers — but don’t throw your butts in the koi pond. Open every day for lunch and dinner.
GRILLED: JON CALDARA
Jon Caldara is president of the Independence Institute — a conservative free-market think tank based in Golden. He grew up in Littleton and graduated from the University of Colorado at Boulder, where he studied economics. He’s probably Colorado’s best-known right-winger, hosting a three-hour talk show weeknights on KOA, gabbing on KBDI-Channel 12’s “Independent Thinking” on Friday nights and generally cracking wise given any opportunity. He’s been married for 17 years, and lives outside Boulder with his wife and two children, having lost a daughter in 2001 to cancer when she was a year old. The Independence Institute celebrates its 25th anniversary at its Founders Dinner on Nov. 19, at which P.J. O’Rourke will be the keynote speaker. Caldara orders a Stella.
Caldara: But write that I ordered a Coors.
BH: Only the truth here. How old are you?
Caldara: I’m going to be 45 tomorrow.
BH: You’re a kid.
Caldara: I have only one goal in life: to find men who are older than me who have younger children than mine.
BH: Wait till you turn 60. You won’t believe what happens.
Caldara: Lovely.
BH: Why are you a conservative? Some people would say you have no heart.
Caldara: And liberals have no brain. And I’m not a conservative, really. And I have a heart. I just want the government to leave us alone. I want people to take care of their own lives, their own retirement.
BH: But you’ll collect Social Security, won’t you?
Caldara: Of course, I’ve been paying for it my whole life. But you’ll probably collect and it won’t be around for me.
BH: I can’t wait to collect.
Caldara: I’m a liberty junkie. It’s not about Republicans and Democrats. I just think the Republicans, on the whole, will give us more liberty. Maybe.
BH: You lost a child to cancer.
Caldara: Yes. Parker. And it sucks today as badly as it did the day we lost her. We have a daughter, Piper, who’s 7. And a son, Chance. He’s 5 and has Down syndrome.
BH: Big challenges.
Caldara: Yes. But he’s my main man, a man’s man. He’s had eight operations in five years.
BH: What do you think of all that?
Caldara: I just wish God would stop beating up on my kids, that’s all. But I’m learning a lot from Chance. He’s a great kid.
BH: Why did you choose Boulder for college?
Caldara: Have you seen the women in Boulder? It’s a fun, wild place as long as you don’t take it too seriously.
BH: Why are conservatives funnier than liberals?
Caldara: They aren’t. Comedians are all liberals. Movie stars are all liberals. I think conservatives often don’t have the depth to be funny. They take stuff too seriously.
BH: You’re pretty funny.
Caldara: Kind of.
BH: You have a sense of humor about what you do. Like the Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms picnic you throw every summer.
Caldara: Oh, yes. Liberals hate watching conservatives having a good time. We smoke, drink and shoot. We celebrate the perks of adulthood.
BH: Do you try to convert people?
Caldara: All the time.
BH: Do people dislike you?
Caldara: Some people really dislike me, yes. I don’t know why. I guess I’m doing my job.
BH: Is there conservative music? Liberal music?
Caldara: Yes. Conservative music sucks. Liberal music is good. If I hear “Proud To Be An American” one more time, I’m going to yack.
BH: Is there conservative food?
Caldara: Anything that had a face.
BH: Conservative restaurants?
Caldara: Steakhouses.
BH: Conservative movies?
Caldara: It’s like the Bible. All you need to watch are the first two “Godfather” movies.
BH: And you can build your life on that?
Caldara: Yes. I like the line: “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.”
BH: What’s your idea of happiness?
Caldara: Playing with my kids.
BH: What do you fear?
Caldara: Losing another child.
BH: What don’t you like about your appearance?
Caldara: I wish I had my hair back. I had great hair. In college I had a ‘fro. It was beautiful.
BH: What trait don’t you like in yourself?
Caldara: I often speak before I think.
BH: In others?
Caldara: When they don’t buy me beer.
BH: Greatest extravagance?
Caldara: Good Scotch. Good Italian cheese. And a good fountain pen.
BH: When do you lie?
Caldara: I never lie. And that’s a lie. I have few skills, but I know when to give the right answer.
BH: Whom do you despise?
Caldara: The Balloon Boy’s father. And I hate morning people. That’s why the conservatives have lost everything in this country — freaking morning people.
BH: You fly a lot.
Caldara: I used to be terrified of it. I was irrational. Now I love to fly, except no matter where I’m going, I’m changing in Atlanta.
BH: When were you happiest?
Caldara: I remember taking out my daughter on Halloween. She wasn’t even 1 yet. My wife made her a Superman outfit, with a cape and a big “P” for Parker on it. This was before we even knew she was sick. It was the first time I ever took a kid trick or treating. It was one of those moments.
BH: Do you like Las Vegas?
Caldara: Who doesn’t? But it’s a strategic strike town. You go in there, debauch, and then you get out of there. It’s not a place to hang out.
BH: Books?
Caldara: I am dyslexic. I can’t read books. I don’t know how to spell, I don’t know how to read. I like books. They look cool. People who hold them look smart. I wish I could read one. But if I learned to read, it would cut into my TV time.
BH: What do you watch?
Caldara: “South Park,” “Family Guy.”
BH: What’s the motto at the institute?
Caldara: “Come for the public policy, stay for the sexual harassment.”
Interview conducted, condensed and edited by Bill Husted: 303-954-1486; bhusted@denverpost.com
