Dear Amy: My husband and I will be celebrating Thanksgiving at my daughter and son-in-law’s house. Normally we have a great time there.
My son-in-law’s family will mainly be in attendance. My brother (an alcoholic who is sober) will be coming with his girlfriend of a year.
I’ve only met this girlfriend once, when she came to our house for dinner in May. At that time, a lot of the conversation was about my brother’s past, how people where they work were discouraging her from dating him, etc.
Even though it was just family at dinner, I was embarrassed for my brother and frankly didn’t want to hear it. I’ve been through too much with my brother as it is.
My question is whether I should say something ahead of time to his girlfriend about not talking about his past — or should I just hope that it doesn’t happen again with my daughter’s relatives. — Shamefaced Sister
Dear Sister: Every couple has a story. However this story strikes you, your brother’s past belongs mainly to him. He gets to fold, spindle and mutilate it — or share it at 12-step meetings or Thanksgiving dinner. If his girlfriend’s oversharing embarrasses him, then he should handle it.
If the dinner table conversation takes a turn you don’t enjoy, you can try your best to turn the conversational ocean liner around. “Mmmm, these mashed potatoes are so creamy!” is one way to start.
Dear Amy: A few months ago I was diligently looking for a job and received a call from a recruiter representing a company I wanted to work for. I was so excited. One of the first things I did was to tell my very good friend about the opportunity.
After three interviews with the recruiter, the company decided that it wanted to continue looking at other candidates. I was extremely disappointed.
I told my friend about the outcome and then a few weeks later he said he would be getting an offer from the same company for the same job I was going for. I didn’t even know he was interviewing!
He already had a high six-figure salary. He knew the financial situation I was in.
I feel betrayed by him, and I don’t think I can ever feel the same way about our friendship. Your thoughts? — Feeling Weird
Dear Weird: Presumably you were turned down for the job before your friend interviewed for the position.
He should have at least given you a heads-up about this.
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